Every day, my routine is the same. After tending to my coffee needs and Oliver’s breakfast, I read my email for a few minutes. This morning, the darkness was extreme, when I found a short podcast from William Defoore at “Goodfinding.com, CREATING HAPPINESS ON PURPOSE”.
Is that the best life goal ever??? I think yes. The following are thoughts I collected while listening to this uplifting podcast.
Gratitude, appreciation, and optimism are connected, but they are not the same at all. We are grateful for what has already happened, we appreciate what is happening now, and we strive to be optimistic about the future. We can easily get stuck in the past.
I spent my fair share there with VST, and all those things are long gone. I can also get a little freaked out about the future, as I have shared in my writings about the upcoming Darkest of Winters. The only thing I really have the slightest control over is my dealings in the present. And for that, I strive to find the best thoughts to keep my mind as healthy as possible in this year of healing.
Yesterday, I ended the blog by suggesting that you start thinking of things you are grateful for. Mr. Defoore suggested journaling them. I love journals and being a writer; I have so many.
For years, they stacked up as VST, and I ran around doing all the things we did. Sadly, I would love to read journals from those happy days, but they remained blank. Now, every day, all day long, I reach for my journal, writing when I need to. Reading entries from early April, I realize how far my journey has taken me through widowhood toward womanhood.
When journaling, a sentence fragment counts. You don’t need to worry about penmanship, grammar, spelling, or punctuation. It needs to be readable to you and you alone.
So, start that journal with three things you’re grateful for in the past. We can all think of three things. If you absolutely can’t come up with anything, use my “New Widow” words. Family. Friends. Pets. Now, throw in Food. Shelter. Clothing. If you are truly blessed, add HEALTH. And from there, you are off and running. Don’t stop at three. You may list things for pages. We are so lucky in life, each one of us. Find those things that are personal to you. Write them down.
Next, for today, find one thing you appreciate. If it involves another person, tell them. For goodness’ sake, if you have no one else, tell an associate at Walmart that you appreciate their work. We should all do that, because THEY work long days so WE can buy stuff we need or want. Find the littlest thing, and make it big enough to say “Thank you”. Smile when you do this. If you don’t think a smile is possible, fake one.
Finally, before you go to sleep tonight, make the very last thought you have an optimistic one for the morning, even if it is the following. “I am looking forward to opening my eyes tomorrow morning”. I bet you have something a little better than that.
These three activities must be practiced every day. Give this a full three weeks, according to Mr. Defoore. When a dark thought about the past, present, or future arises, reboot your brain. Change the thought to a pearl instead of a rock. Make this your life choice.
Long ago, I went through a horrendous divorce. Black, black days, with two little boys who needed constant attention to thrive. I found this method but didn’t recognize it as anything other than a way to survive.
First, I saved my grief for 30 minutes from 10 pm to 10:30 pm. I held it together the rest of the time out of necessity. But during those 30 minutes, I could play all the “broken heart” music I chose. I could cry quietly, so as not to wake them. Just anything that I needed to do, I did. The beauty was that, after a few weeks of this, I found that I was often too tired to stay up until 10, and it wasn’t as necessary. And slowly, I got better.
I also made the observation that no matter how bad things were, the wallpaper in my kitchen would still be there to greet me in the morning. It was one little way of assuring myself that the world was still rock solid. My experiences left me a little off balance, but the world would be the same when I got through the bad time.
And I kept one dream alive at a time.
There you have it. Journaling. Gratitude. Appreciation. Optimism. Big, lofty words that start with determination and one foot in front of the other. They will guide you through this wilderness, or any other in which you find yourself. Winter is upon us. The wind is howling outside. I appreciate God’s beauty in this season, knocking at my door. God’s natural music, the wind plays just for me. I need to go make a pot of soup and enjoy the beauty of the next season.
If you ever find you want to contact me, please do so at Jmac102023@gmail.com.