Grief has a way of dismantling time. Days blend, thoughts fragment, and even the simplest acts like getting out of bed, eating a meal, or answering a message, can feel like climbing a mountain with bare feet. When grieving, we often fall into survival mode, where self-care can feel indulgent or irrelevant, even when this is the time we need it most.
Self-care during grief isn’t about spa days or inspirational quotes. It’s about honoring your pain while tending to the small, essential things that allow you to keep going. It’s not about “getting better” or “moving on,” but gently creating space to coexist with your loss.
The first act of self-care is giving yourself permission to feel, rest, and not be “okay”. Grief doesn’t follow logic, and it certainly doesn’t follow a schedule. You may feel sadness, anger, guilt, or even moments of peace or laughter, all normal parts of loss.
While friends and family often want us to be “strong” or “resilient,” realize it takes real strength to fall apart necessary. There’s no “right” way to grieve and only you will find your way.
You may not feel like eating, or you may find yourself overeating for comfort. Try to aim for balance, not perfection. Simple, nourishing meals like toast, soup, or a smoothie can make a difference.
Sleep may be elusive or overwhelming because grief often disrupts our nervous system. A consistent nighttime routine, or even short naps when needed, can help stabilize your body’s rhythms. Most adults need 7 – 9 hours of sleep per night.
Rather than trying to suppress or avoid your grief, create gentle rituals that allow it to be expressed. Writing letters to the person you lost can help the healing process. If it feels good to talk to them, do it. Remember to make space for tears. Grief doesn’t demand to be fixed, it asks to be acknowledged.
Writing has been a lifeline for me. In the beginning, words pulled me out of bed at 4:30 am to blog. Life finally distilled down to a true love of writing, and I began. On September 24, 2020, my grief found a voice as it traveled out of my fingers, through the keyboard, and onto the screen. With each word, my outlook on life improved. It’s all there in the archives.
People around you want to help, but may not know how. Some will say the wrong things while others may disappear entirely. Focus on those who offer presence without pressure. Let others bring meals, run errands, or sit quietly beside you. You don’t need to explain your pain for it to be valid. Remember, it’s okay to protect your energy. Avoid conversations that feel too heavy. Let texts go unanswered. You’re allowed to guard your grief.
If experiencing widow’s fog of grief, small, grounding practices can be lifelines. Watch the sky change, take a daily walk, or just drink your coffee slowly, with intention. These simple moments are not a betrayal of your grief but signs that you’re still alive and tethered to the world.
Remember to be kind to yourself. Avoid thoughts like, “I should be further along,” “I shouldn’t feel this way,” “They would want me to be happy.” There is no schedule for healing nor prize for hiding your pain. Practice speaking to yourself like you would to a friend using patience, care, and tenderness.
At some point, many find themselves asking, “What now?” This doesn’t mean rushing to find a silver lining or a purpose in loss. Over time, new dimensions of love, empathy, and perspective will appear while living through grief
Grief changes you. You never asked for a broken heart, but over time, the mended scars will become sacred. They can become places where new growth will emerge over time.
Self-care while grieving is not a cure. It’s a soft, steady light and a reminder that you are still worthy of care and capable of healing, however long it takes. If you are grieving, be gentle. If someone you love is grieving, be present. That’s enough for now.
More tomorrow.