Like everything else, the world of vacuums has certainly evolved since the 1900’s. Gone are the days of random salesmen arriving at inconvenient times to show you their cumbersome contraptions. Heavy and complicated, they made vacuuming even more work than necessary. Now? Selecting the right vacuum requires research and comparison charts for a machine that SHOULD work well for four years.
The need for a new one became obvious earlier in the week. With two shedless dogs (HAHAHA) vacuuming is a must. I vacuumed once. Then again. And, finally, a third time. However, the carpet still looked tired. Certainly not the fresh, crisp look I remembered from years past. My four-year-old vacuum was doing the bare minimum.
Our dogs are lovely creatures of the “non-shedding variety.” Of course, after living with them for years, we know that’s a marketing lie. Non-shedding apparently means the hair redistributes itself throughout the house in artistic ways under corners, rugs, and furniture. If they could vacuum after themselves, they would happily comply. But, without opposing thumbs, they rely on their humans for that.
And so, the shopping began. Oh my goodness, the choices. Corded. Battery-operated. Upright. Stick. Bagged. Bagless. Vacuums that bend. Vacuums that light up. Vacuums that appear to have headlights better than my car. There are even machines now that vacuum and mop the floor at the same time. As if we all collectively agreed that pushing a mop was simply too much to ask of modern humanity.
Every model promises powerful suction, revolutionary technology, and a cleaner life. Some sound less like appliances and more like NASA equipment. Cyclones. Multi-surface intelligence. Pet-erasing capabilities. Really??? I just want the dog hair gone.
Reviews, of course, were wildly unhelpful. One person claims a vacuum changed their life. Another says it stopped working after a week and has been banished to the garage. One reviewer has five dogs and says it’s “fine.” Another owns a single cat and seemed personally offended by the entire brand.
In the end, I decided on a powerful Bissell that boldly promised to erase pet hair. Erase is a strong, confident word. After plugging in the retractable cord, I gave it a test run in the guest room, which had just been vacuumed with our old, four-year-old Shark. Surely there wouldn’t be much left. After all, there aren’t many guests here at Winterpast.
Oh, how wrong I was.
What that new vacuum pulled out of the carpet was both impressive and deeply unsettling. Apparently, the old vacuum only lightly groomed the surface. The vacuum found pet hair from dogs who may not even live here anymore. After two rooms, I emptied the container and kept going.
So, at Winterpast, we’re entering a new era. With early spring cleaning underway, we’re enjoying cleaner carpets and the quiet satisfaction of knowing that sometimes, it’s not you, it’s the vacuum.
Enjoy your weekend. I’ll be back Monday.
