Every year, I quietly celebrate “National Speak-in-Complete-Sentences-Day”. It’s the one day a year where fragments go to die, emojis cry lonely tears, and this retired 3rd Grade teacher raises a triumphant red pen to the sky.
This highly underappreciated annual celebration is held on May 31, which fell on Saturday this year. The only people celebrating it were over-caffeinated grammar enthusiasts, parents trying to correct their children, or me.
National Speak-in-Complete-Sentences-Day was probably invented by someone who got tired of hearing things like “Wanna?”, “Same”, and “Huh”? It’s a day to honor the entirety of the English language including, but not limited to subjects, predicates, and proper punctuation.
That’s right. Not only must full sentences be spoken, but the Grammar Gods expect punctuation so precise you practically have to narrate it. “I’m going to the store, comma, because we are out of milk, period.”
The first victims?
Text messages.
If you’ve never tried texting exclusively in complete sentences with correct capitalization and punctuation, Congratulations to you. You’ve probably never been mistaken for a Boomer by youngers.
Example:
Normal text:
“u there?”
Complete sentence version:
“Hey, are you there? I just wanted to see if you’re still coming to brunch at 11:30 a.m.” (For the record I never learned the abbreviated form of texting).
Don’t even get me started on Twitter, which became popular about 15 years ago. To put entire paragraphs of thought into 60 words or less has been “Mission-Impossible” for me, even though I was chosen Secondary Teacher of the Year. Thank goodness I taught Secondary Science and Math because “Creative Writing” would’ve finished me.
On Saturday, parents across the country spent the day explaining to their children that “Because I said so” is a complete sentence. Children retaliated by asking follow-up questions. Sentences multiplied. Conversations spiraled and the entire goal of the National Day was met.
National Speak-in-Complete-Sentences-Day may have come and gone, but its legacy lives on in the hearts of those who believe a sentence isn’t truly finished until it’s ended with a period or, in times of excitement, an exclamation point.
Next year, when May 31st rolls around, try embracing the full sentence. Eschew the fragment. Reject the grunt. And for heaven’s sake, if someone says “LOL,” politely ask them to elaborate.
