A deafening silence settled on my soul after I lost love to cancer in 2020. The stillness and loneliness of an unknown wilderness stretched ahead, bringing with it a quiet ache, as life itself was dramatically altered. At first, it felt like a storm, crashing over every part of me, while I wondered if I’d ever truly find my way back. As time moved on, my heart proved its resiliency. It broke, but also healed. Some years later, I found love when least expecting it.
Widowhood later in life is common, but that doesn’t make the pain any easier. Whether experiencing the end of a relationship, friendship, dream, grief leaves its mark. At first, there was deep emptiness as I examined the devastation left behind. I spent days trying to fill that void with a variety of distractions that might make the silence a little less overwhelming.
After a while, it became apparent that no matter how much I tried to fill it, that empty space was still there. That void of emptiness had to heal on its own time. I couldn’t rush past the pain because healing isn’t about avoiding the hurt, but about sitting with it while accepting the lessons that appear.
The journey through loss is different for everyone, but one thing remains the same: you are forever changed. There’s a part of me that will always carry the memories, the lessons, and even the scars from the love I’ve lost. But there’s also a part of me that’s learned how to live again while choosing happiness.
The process of rediscovering myself has been a wild ride. I used to ask myself, “Who am I without VST?” or “What do I truly want from life?” It was a confusing time when my identity was shaken. But, in the chaos of trying to rebuild, I began to understand myself in new ways. I found things that made me happy, new excitement, and worthwhile dreams. I nurtured neglected passions and dreams that’d been put on hold. By God’s grace and mercy, it was through this rediscovery that I found peace again.
Finally, the time was right, and love found its way back to Winterpast. Marriage to HHH doesn’t erase the pain or loss as if it never happened. Instead, it brought a new layer of hope and possibility to life. HHH and I understood the depths of loss, yet still dared to believe in new beginnings. Love is the thing that makes life rich, meaningful, and worth living.
Finding love again, especially after we thought we might never feel it again, is a powerful reminder that life is full of second chances. We’ve experienced such beauty while taking the pieces of who we were and building something new. HHH and I have learned love isn’t just something that happened to us—it’s something we’ve created, nurtured, and something we very much deserve.
Love at this stage in life is different. It’s more mature and rooted in self-awareness. It’s not from a place of need, but from a place of sharing and growth.
And now, you might ask, “Would you choose to do it all again?”
A thousand times, YES. The last 2.5 years have been worth more than gold.
If you’re reading this during your own grief, know that the journey is not where life ends. It’s just the beginning of something new. You will heal. You will grow. And someday, when the time is right, love will find you again—not as a replacement, but as a beautiful reminder that life, no matter how hard, always offers us a chance to love and be loved again.
It’s exactly the thing HHH and I are so lucky to have found.
More tomorrow.