Ah, the joys of winter’s slow retreat. While the world around us starts to warm, many are faced with a daunting challenge — the yard. This year, Winterpast has been left on its own for most of the colder months, slowly transforming into a tangle of branches, dead leaves, and perhaps a few misplaced lawn chairs. Now, it’s time to face the music (and the 35 trees).
Pruning and yard clean-up, often touted as a peaceful, zen-like activity, are more like the horticultural equivalent of a rock ‘n roll concert — chaotic, occasionally painful and involving things that not in the schedule, like cuts and scrapes. But don’t worry, friends. With a little humor and many YouTube videos, we can do this!
Let’s start with pruning. You know, trimming back all those overgrown plants that look like they’re trying to reenact Jumanji in your backyard. Pruning is an art form. It’s not just hacking away at anything that’s in your way (though that’s easy to do). No, no. Good pruning is the intentional reduction of limbs with a vision for the future.
The first step is assessing your plant situation. “Are these branches dead or just aggressively confused?” you ask yourself. They might be both. And let’s not even get started on the thorns. One minute, you’re calmly trimming the rose bush, and the next, you’re playing a game of “How many thorns can get stuck in my thumb before I lose all feeling?”
Bad pruning is similar to a bad haircut. You start out wanting to shorten your bangs, and before long, they are much too short. Yes, after a few seasons, your trees may come back, but think of the time you’ve lost. Much better to start with a solid understanding and a plan.
Each plant requires a different approach to thinning and shaping. With so much information online, it’s easy to do a bit of studying the night before you begin. Pruning an apple tree is quite different than pruning an apricot tree. It’s important to understand which limbs will bear fruit, or you may end up with none.
You can’t prune without the right tools. Every spring, it seems like my shears have mysteriously vanished into the black hole that is the backyard shed. Before beginning, find the tools you need, making sure they are clean, oiled, and sharpened.
As the years roll by, there are always new innovations. Last year, we invested in battery operated nippers and a chainsaw. We’re excited to use them as we shape our fruit trees. Before beginning, always have safety plans in place and remember to always wear gloves.
After finishing with leaf clean up and pruning, there are some phases you might go through if you don’t have a solid plan..
- The Denial Pile: This is where you dump everything in a massive pile and pretend like you’ll deal with it later. We’ve always wanted to compost, why not now?
2. The Optimism Phase: You start bagging things, telling yourself, “Oh, this won’t take long!” But then you realize you’ve bagged only about a tenth of the pile, and your back feels like you just lifted an elephant.
3.The Desperation Stage: At some point, the sheer magnitude of the mess starts to overwhelm you. You contemplate calling in a professional. But then you remember… you’re a DIY enthusiast, and there’s no way you’re admitting defeat to a pile of leaves.
4. The Zen Moment: In the final stages of yard clean-up, you reach a sort of meditative state, where the rhythmic raking and bagging becomes almost hypnotic. You are one with the yard. Or maybe you’re just delirious. Either way, you’re almost done, and the end is in sight.
Finally, after hours of hard work, sweat, and a few choice words, the yard is clean. It’s pristine. It’s perfect. For about 24 hours. That’s right, my friends. Nature has an uncanny way of reminding you that it is, in fact, in charge. Within a few days, you’ll notice a stray leaf here, a branch there, and you’ll sigh. But that’s okay because you’ve triumphed. You’ve conquered the yard — for today.
