How can Halloween be one week away? In the blink of an eye, 2024 is almost gone and the holiday season begins next month. With that comes a mixture of excitement and sadness for many. Holidays can amplify the pain of loss. Careful planning is one way to navigate without getting our tinsel tangled.
2020 was the worst year of my life. Having become a widow after 32 years of marriage, I couldn’t begin to understand the journey I’d take. This much I knew for sure. The holidays would be tough. With a birthday the week before Christmas, the holiday season always overflowed with too many obligations. It would be up to me to carefully select new traditions.
Earlier in life, I often taught until December 23, with no worries about filling the holiday season with extras. Work and family filled my dance card and as the holidays passed, I was a year older. Each year, they came and went without much angst.
In 2014, with a move to Nevada, the holidays took on a different look. Virginia City, Nevada showered me with the first of many snowy Christmas Eves’. With an invitation to the next-door neighbor’s house, we slid down the driveway on new snow and walked the short distance into the next chapter of life. New traditions began that year with several retired couples joining together to make a family. The eight of us brought cheer to a rather quiet neighborhood and for six Christmases, it worked well.
Moving to a new town 17 days after becoming a widow changed everything. I knew two people and by the next Christmas, only one would remain. The holidays would arrive right on time along with feelings of loss, sadness, and loneliness. It was time for a change of focus.
Plan holiday activities before they arrive. Make a list of possible destinations and activities for the day before and the day after. Then, try your best to be a little excited about your choices. Attitude is everything.
Before that first Christmas, I wrote myself a monthly note about all the good things that happened that month. Those eight notes were a great way to recognize growth and accomplishments.
Each month, I shopped for one personal Christmas present for Oliver and me.
Attending a Christmas candlelight service while surrounded by new friends in God’s house, the world didn’t seem quite so dark. After church, I drove around town to see the lights while reflecting on the real reason for the season.
The next day, Miss Firecracker and I were invited to join a friend and his family for dinner. Just like that, we made our first solo Christmas un-lonely. It just took some planning.
While I was making my Christmas plans, HHH went home to his kids. Looking back, it was agreed, that Christmas was like no other. Not one we want to repeat any time soon. The first holiday season in grief is rough. No way around it, you just need to make it through. And, you will.
As the holidays approach, do what you can and leave the rest. It took a few years to go through the old decorations, keeping favorites while shrinking my stash.
The main suggestion is this. Start planning now. If you are not into it this year, plan a trip away. That’s okay, too. No one makes the rules but you. Change things up. Today, start thinking of your favorite celebrations and focus on those. The rest can be put aside for now. Just Do You with as many bells as possible.
More tomorrow.