Doors open and close throughout life. Some slam in our shut, while some might not close completely. Cancer slammed the door of life in my face, not to be ignored. Widowhood is the worst hell anyone can endure, no doubt about that.
After such a loss, it took months to find purposeful direction and more time to choose a new path. Repeatedly, I reminded myself that dark days and darker nights were temporary. Time heals all wounds with faith, hope, and patience.
While I healed on my side of town, HHH healed on his. Both having lost “the best”, we also knew how to BE the best. For the two of us, life alone was a restful period to reflect and regroup. And so, we gardened. He painted his house. I blogged. He cooked three nutritious meals a day. I found Subway. He got a puppy. I tried to train Oliver. He went back to work. I worked around Winterpast. We both cried. We both asked WHY? while shaking fists at the sky. We both suffered through grief. And through it all, we strengthened our faith and healed up very nicely.
Every day, as the gardeners of Winterpast, we continue to heal as we journey through the maze of a new marriage. HHH and I are discovering healthy and fun ways to use our brains. The one place in which we don’t linger is the past. Painting a bright future together, we’ve found a way to move further and further from tears and despair while moving away from the darkness into the light.
Grief is different for each person. Some are so focused on memories that LIFE stops at LOSS. In the early days, sleep came the moment the winter sun dropped below the horizon. Hundreds of balloons were released to soar towards the heavens and away from me. Each exercise was another step away from April 8, 2020 toward the future.
Many widows and widowers disapprove of dating and remarriage. Some had advice that didn’t work for me. Quite a few just didn’t understand.
“I could never…”
“You shouldn’t…”
“How could you…”
“You already had the best…..”
Some helpful encouragement made me more determined to create a happy life different from the one I knew and loved. Not settling for a life of crochet hooks and yarn, (although I do love crocheting and plan to start again soon), I longed for a life mate. So much life remains to live.
These days, life is full of God, gardening, good food, and love. HHH and I thank God for blessing us with a chance to finish life together. Our heavenly angels cheer for us, as we find exciting new activities to fill our days as our hearts continue healing.
While planning meals for next week’s adventure, my thoughts turn back one year. Nervous about the future, I chose love. A safe life without risk is no life at all. With God’s blessing, HHH and I had everything to gain while walking through life’s door of happiness to write our own new chapter.
Life is meant to be lived to the fullest. The term “fullest” is different at every stage of life. If your heart is happy, you are in your perfect zone. But, if you wish for more, move your goal posts. After all, what do you have to lose?
More tomorrow.