Roses or Calla’s? Invitations? Menu? Guests?
Oy.
Vey.
This wedding stuff is for the young. Each day there are hundreds — maybe even thousands — of decisions that are waiting to be made. With only 1 month and 8 days until the big day, the heat is on. And these decisions aren’t all that straightforward when one is a 67.75 year old bride. Things have changed a bit since January, 1988.
All the while, MM is right there in the trenches with me, enjoying every moment of fun. I didn’t know God made men that are wired to be helpful with wedding decisions. He is busy choosing songs for the DJ and collecting addresses and phone numbers for his relatives. He has an opinion on every aspect of our upcoming day. If there ever was a groom that is 100% dialed in to the process, it’s MM. Thankfully, it seems we have the same vision. Our focus is all about our commitment and not so much the hoopla or physical party.
Yesterday, the volume, complexity or potential impact of the decisions waiting left me so physically and mentally drained that last night I simply transported myself into a movie until I fell asleep. I’m looking into the abyss of decision fatigue. Thank goodness I recognize it from my travails as a widow. The stressor now identified, I’m going to prevent it from derailing all hopes of sheer bridal bliss. I’m not jumping off the cliff into the world of the……BRIDEZILLA!!!!!!! Not happening.
According to registered psychotherapist Natacha Duke, MA, RP, decision fatigue is a phenomenon (as opposed to a diagnosable medical condition) where the more decisions a person makes over the course of a day, the more physically, mentally and emotionally depleted they become. A person experiencing decision fatigue struggles with executive functioning. This can have a wide range of consequences, including impaired judgment.
Just so you know, this isn’t something this clever writer made up. It really exists.
Yesterday was car maintenance day. In the normal world, this would involve sitting in an uncomfortable mechanics lair. But, when you purchase luxury, it comes with some benefits. Like an Uber driver at your fingertips to drop you at the mall or appointment. A barista to prepare your favorite coffee and fresh donut. Comfy chairs and a spectacular view of the mountains. The list is long at the luxury service department.
It turns out my beautiful car has a few glitches that couldn’t be fixed in one day. So, what does this fantastic dealership do? Send me on my way in another beautiful new luxury car with less miles than mine!
Oy.
Vey.
Cars these days are full of many different tricks and tips. My car is like driving a giant iPad. This car was full of different technology. Only 4,235 miles of shiny new. Probably worth twice what I paid for mine. These things cause decision fatigue. Do I chance the freeway or take empty side streets on the way home? Is this the navigation system or just the back up camera? 37 miles is a long way to encounter possible dings and dents. Luckily, she’s in the garage, safe and sound.
Yesterday also held a stressful trip into the world of finance. So many decisions to be made before October 14th. Thank goodness I have a trustworthy advisor that hasn’t steered me in the wrong direction yet.
All these are not life or death decisions, but they add up. We make hundreds of decisions every day that impact others. Getting married is one of life’s biggest stressors. Having perfectionist tendencies while being faced with the uncertainty of life is a recipe for stress. And, we all know, stress is a killer. Thank goodness this wedding is a short-lived experience. In Mid-October, the seas will calm as our new life together begins.
In 2020, decision fatigue attacked me as a new widow. I fought procrastination or decision avoidance. Some days, I refused to adult and stayed in jammies all day. And then there was the Widow’s Fog. Well, I assure you, Bride Fog isn’t much different. Hiring a bridal planner might not be such a bad idea.
I do remember my Auntie reminding me that nothing lasts forever. Father Time and Mother Nature made sure of that. And there is plenty of time to enjoy normal life as an old lady.
What might continue for awhile is the mani/pedi schedule I’m beginning next week. Now I find out that MM rather likes manicured fingers and toes. Okay, I can roll with that! There’ll be at least one massage for this bride during the next six weeks. I plan to schedule some protective measures involving self-care, while taking time to enjoy this very magical time in life. It is truly a lot of happy fun!
Guys need down time, too. MM will be enjoying the beginning of the NFL season. I would hope he’ll take some time from invitation addressing to enjoy a round of golf with his bros. We’ll throw in a little laziness from time to time while delegating tasks to others. There are plenty of people we can trust to handle some of the minor details.
Whatever you are planning to do today, try not to become overwhelmed. Schedule some down time every day in which you take time to breathe. Unplug and focus on the silence. Find your happy spot and take time to be grateful. The world will keep spinning even if you stop twirling about for a bit.
Twirling into my own state of butter, I’ll be back tomorrow with updates.