I was married to a wonderful guy for 32 years. A high school friend, we reunited at our high school reunion 14 years later. He proposed in eleven short days. We were married shortly after that. His name, I’ll share one time after 700+ posts.
Terry Lee Hurt.
For these past years, I’ve kept his name as my own little secret. It was the last thing I had that was his and his alone. The last part of him that was still mine. He was a force of nature all on his own, right next to the wind, the rain, and the sun. He flamed out, never wanting to rust away in the corner.
I share this, because not everyone has gone back to read my entire blog, beginning in September, 2020. Covid had sucked the life out of everything around us. But it wasn’t Covid that took him. Cancer finished Terry off in nine weeks from start to finish.
Someone once mentioned that losing him in the way I did was rather like losing a loved one in a car wreck. No time to think or prepare for the worst time in life. No time to alert family and friends. No long, tear-filled goodbye’s. Just here. Then, gone. The gone happened 17 days before I moved into Winterpast. The home we chose together on a cold January day almost 3.5 years ago.
A French Man lost his spouse the same year MM and I lost ours. 2020. So many deaths occurred that year that had absolutely nothing to do with Covid. Silently, we all lost our loved ones after handling their hospice care. We stood in the shadows of grief without benefit of support groups or even a proper funeral. Everything was closed. We were left to our own devices during those darkest of days.
French Man is living through his fourth summer as a widower. Turtle-shelled in his grief, he let life go on without him. Time passed, while his wife’s cremains sat waiting for the proper time for release. While he’s been tethered to yesterday, the possibility of today lives just 1/2 mile away at my bestie’s CC’s house. A bright new future hindered by ashes of the past.
The subject of cremains is a little taboo. No one tells you about their weight. No one mentions that each urn has a specific and unique way to be opened. No instruction pamphlet tells a person how to properly release ashes. And then, there is the most difficult decision on where to release them. Because of these things and million other reasons, Terry sat on the shelf until last year.
It takes absolute courage to walk to the garage to get the screw driver needed to release four of the tiniest little screws holding on the top of the urn. Fortitude to open the lid. Bravery to open the bag, preparing the contents for release. Gutsiness to drive up the mountain on unpaved roads to a place filled with rocks and tumbleweeds. The love of a devoted spouse to finally let them go in the wind. I didn’t know all that until last year on that windiest of days here in the desert. I found strength I didn’t think I possessed.
French Man’s wife is still confined to her box. Today, he’ll take his turn with a final Goodbye on a quiet stretch of Pacific Coast Beach. Love has nudged him towards today’s release of the past. He’s finally looking forward to moving towards happiness. Today, he’s found his strength.
Everyone finds their own strength, time and place, eventually. If your situation is similar to French Man’s, know you can always take the next step, releasing ties that bind. I can’t explain how my life changed that day when Zephyr Winds of the high deserts of Northwestern Nevada carried my love away. From the loneliest mountaintop, the wails of a grieving widow were carried away with him. Like the removal of a festering sliver, releasing Terry allowed me to fully embrace my new life.
We are BOTH finally free.
Whatever you do today, think about what’s holding you to the past. Consider what your loved one would say if they could give you one last pep talk. Terry would tell me to live my best life. “The day’s a-wasting, Darlin’. Burn out, don’t rust out. You can’t get no where on yesterday’s train.”
More tomorrow.