This Grieving Gardener must admit that although the days pass, the healing process continues. It’s hard to believe that it’s been over three years since VST left us. Over 1,000 days, I’ve gotten up out of bed and handled business of one kind or another. Life truly does go on for each of us, with a grief that is as unique as our love.
During the first months as a widow, my intention was to write a book about personal experiences as a new widow. This blog was meant to be a warm up while helping me through the first year. Three years later, the blog continues while I consider the possibilities of becoming a REAL writer.
Last year, I decided it was quite an arrogant notion that I’d have anything of value to say about being a widow. Grief is so very personal. How brazen of me to think my situation was unique or in some way more unusual than that of any other spouse. Was there any benefit to sharing my experience with others?
Lately, I’m rethinking that one. Once in a blue moon, someone will approach me and tell me that a certain blog really touched them, helping them get through a hard spot. For me, that’s worth more than anything that could come from being a REAL writer. In fact, that confirms that I am a REAL writer with stories to share, whether they be about my life or my very real grief.
Reading about grief has helped me through sad times. After losing my first few students at the Children’s Hospital in which I worked from 2010 – 1015, I found a very helpful service. Through Chapelofthelight.com, I clicked on Daily Email Affirmations. After signing up, a daily email will arrive to comfort and help you through one year of grief. In my case, I’ve been signed up since 2011, still enjoying the daily emails which help me through each day.
With grief, it’s important that we find people with whom we can share memories. Through those memories, we honor our loved ones. While sharing memories, we are there for each other in a way some might not understand. Listening to the memories of someone experiencing grief is a true act of patience, kindness, respect, and love. Just the act of simply listening.
Don’t forget to celebrate the happy anniversaries as well as the sad ones. During the first year of widowhood, a vivid memory of the daily activities made 365 days before would appear. Because VST died so suddenly, 43 weeks were happy ones full of RVing and traveling the country. It was only the last nine weeks that were pretty tough to remember clearly. Those weeks in which we battled liver cancer and lost.
Find local resources that can help. For a time, grief support groups were on hold due to the pandemic. Now that life is returning to normal for us all, I’d like to unpack some sadness that was put away during such a rough time in life. There is nothing worse than losing a loved one.
This morning, while studying Psalm 49, I was reminded that a shroud has no pockets. When we leave this earth, we will take nothing with us. No greenhouse. No new car. No beautiful home with an exotic name. Nothing. We’ll just go. Until then, it’s important that we take care of our soul, grieving when we need to, while letting those that love us help us along the way. It’s the relationships that will help us heal.
As written in Grief Connections Daily Affirmation day #184, “Although countless people have experienced grief before you, each person’s response to grief is different. Your path of grief may be uniquely your own, but you owe it to those around you to share your experiences. See yourself as an educator, a teacher; a guide.” I would add, a friend.
So, whatever you do today, don’t remain shut in and closed off. Open up and share a great story about the person you miss so much. You are the only one who can tell the story and get it right! Enjoy the memories. We are truly blessed to have loved so deeply.
More tomorrow.