Retirement comes with challenges. I know. I know. Active workers are thinking…..”Cry me a river, Lady.” Kind of like a certain prince and princess complaining over a castle that wasn’t big enough. Whatever will they do in a shack in Montecito?
Without planning, retirement becomes one long pajama party that doesn’t end. It’s just like a table of the best Christmas deserts on my Grandma’s table in 1969. Grammie would tell me “It’s Christmas! Eat as much as you like!” Eventually, the top button on the pants didn’t anymore. Christmas was gone, and there I was. I should’ve had a plan.
My first year as a widow, I kept a planner. I made sure it was a pretty one with the entire month shown in a two page spread, followed by pages that held three days each and places to write notes (2023 PlanAhead Monthly/Weekly/Planner — Amazon). I started making entries and kept it current. While in the deepest widow’s fog, I could look back and see what I’d accomplished, even if it was only these three things.
- Get out of bed.
- Eat three meals.
- Don’t go to sleep before the sun is down.
In the beginning, those were not far from my perfect day. If only I could’ve gone that route. I physically moved into Winterpast seventeen days after VST died. Of course, my accomplishments were much more than three things a day. Today, can I tell you what they were? No. Recalling memories can be tough when you’re grieving. In my experience, I’m able to remember a little more each day about the spring of 2020.
That first year, my planner was an external drive to my brain. Everything went into the planner or it didn’t happen. Slowly, I was able to plan and complete six things. Then nine. And so on. I always wrote them down and crossed them off. Somedays, I was back to only three. And, somedays, I stayed in bed with the covers over my head all day long. It was all part of the ultimate goal of healing through grief.
Here’s the deal. It gets better. Whatever your current loss, things do heal with time. Maybe your heart is shattered, but it’ll slowly mend. The scars give us our character through our strength and resolve.
VST was a driven man. Looking back, I don’t recommend this to anyone. In the end, you have an empire to admire from heaven. I’ve never known anyone to squeeze so much into each and every 24 hour day. Obsessed with intent and drive, he planned and accomplished everything he dreamed. He lived a life full of dreams and accomplishments.
The Dunmovin’ House was his last big endeavor. 3,300 square feet built into the side of Mt. Davidson, Virginia City, Nevada. For both of us, it was love at first sight. She’d been repossessed from people that didn’t know how to keep a beautiful home. For five years, VST poured every waking day into making her a perfect show piece. While I love to work in miniature with my tiny little houses, he worked on a grand scale, laying real hardwood floors and redwood decks with broken knees and a paralyzed hand.
The final project was as beautiful as the first. With the last nail, we discovered his cancer and he was gone in 9 weeks. The house was finished when he died.
Intention and execution made it all possible. Every day, we met over coffee to plan our daily goals.
“What’re our goals for today, Darlin’?” he’d ask over his eggs. There were always 20 things on the list that involved heavy lifting, measuring, saws, and hammers. He moved the rocks in the front yard more than once just because.
Goals made with a vision end up create something wonderful. Living alone, goals are pretty hard to create and very easy to ignore. I’m finding this as I approach the spring of my 3rd year as a widow. I have pure intentions when I write them down in my planner over coffee.
In my mind, I hear the question.
“What are our goals for today, Darlin’?”
For the rest of this month, I’m going to set three a day. If I can accomplish those, I’ll have 36 things done by the end of the month. I bet I can even do more once I get going.
The day’s a-wastin’.
January 19, 2023
- Get out of bed.
Check.
Whoopsie.
Just kidding.
Besides, I’ve been up for two hours now.
Whatever you do today, do it with intent. Be sure to plan some play in your day. We all need to take time for the things we love to do. If you don’t have anything you love doing, then start investigating and find something. Get up and move in a new direction. You’ll be glad you did.
More tomorrow.