Ahhh, the holidays of the 1900’s. Looking at this stock photo and the smile on the woman’s face, it’s obvious how far women have come. That toy oven would have fit beautifully in our play house. With a family of five girls and a farm to run, Christmas gifts were practical and useful. Perhaps that’s where I got the groovy idea to get an appliance for myself this holiday season.
It wasn’t planned at all. Cyber Monday was in full swing when I happened to see a huge markdown. As I recall, the ad seemed to scream that Amazon was practically giving away the coolest thing. A Robotic Vacuum Cleaner! Some women wish for diamonds or pearls. This woman heads straight to practical with a touch of space-age technology on the side. A self-propelled vacuum.
I’d only heard of these gadgets over the years. Remotely controlled, your house might possibly be dust free at all times if you had one of these. Dog hair would magically disappear. All sucked into the unit until a time when the disc-shaped appliance would redock, recharge, empty, and head out for more.
Even more magical, you could assign names to your rooms and send the Roomba off to clean one space at will. This could be done without lifting a finger by merely telling “Alexa” to start the process
“Alexa, Unleash the hounds.” (The true command to start vacuuming.) “Vaccuum Guest Room.”
“Would you like to send your Roomba out to vacuum the Guest Room?” Alexa would ask.
“Yes.”
Off the machine would roll like the happy little robot it was made to be. Oh the pure bliss of the moment. The pictures and reviews were intoxicating. Before I knew what happened, a huge box was delivered to my door only 24 hours later.
It was then reality set in. Apps and information were loaded. The vacuum needed a name. Alexa needed to learn about her new slave. Then, the real fun began. The house would be mapped while the machine learned every nook and cranny.
Within the first 6 hours, I downloaded some important points of my own.
- Robotic vacuums are not quiet. If you’re absent at work, they are quiet enough. If you are trying to sleep in the next room, prepare yourself, especially when the vacuum empties. A 747 jet engine would be a bit quieter.
- Robotic vacuums take a long time to map your house. Mine mapped 6 hours. According to the map it produced, my house has 27 rooms, all needing identification. In reality, my house has 10, if counting the closets, hallway, and bathrooms.
- Robotic vacuums are not a dog’s best friend. Ollie views me differently after this purchase. Not understanding the new device, he became irritated about the loss of sleep and unknown bumps in the night. Of no interest to him, he ignored it as best he could.
After playing with the device for a few minutes here and there, my floors really didn’t look any different. The tiny dirt catcher was quickly filled with wool from my oriental rugs early on, requiring extra trips to empty.
Maybe I got a dumb Roomba, because learning my house wasn’t an easy task. Although it tried it’s best, I don’t think I got the sharpest bot in the box.
That evening, over a delicious dinner of elk pot roast, I wanted to share the unique qualities of this new appliance with MM. With the phone app, I could deploy my vacuum from anywhere in the world, even four miles away while enjoying dinner with a friend.
“Look, right here. I’m going to deploy the unit and let it vacuum until I get home.”
My phone showed a tiny bot vacuuming it’s little heart out. This way and that. That way and this. Totally quiet, because I wasn’t home. Wonderful. I had just about convinced MM that this was the way of the future……..
Until it wasn’t.
“Warning! Warning! Bot needs assistance! Remove foreign object from the rollers! Warning! Warning!”
Additional observation…
#4. One must clear away all foreign objects that will fit into the rollers of the bot, therefore causing the machine to cease immediately.
Just how dangerous is it to leave a robotic vacuum with some foreign object stuck in the rollers? A very expensive robotic vacuum?
My dinner date ended with the accidental ingestion of my Christmas Tree skirt.
After returning the bot to Amazon, this is what I’ve learned.
1.Appliances make terrible Christmas presents, especially to oneself. Don’t forget that, no matter how big the discount.
2.Floor care doesn’t require robotic assistance.
3.KISS. (Keep it Simple, Stupid).
This weekend, I’ll be decorating and enjoying the season with the Mysterious Marine. Whatever you do, enjoy some time with friends and family. Eat a little too much. Enjoy a local tree lighting and parade. Take a drive to see the Christmas lights in your town. Play some Christmas music. Get in the mood. It’s a wonderful season to be alive!
I’ll be back with more on Monday.