Widowhood is hard enough before adding the responsibilities of our late spouses. My mind takes me back to May 2020, when I was fogged in with the newness of grief and overwhelmed with the recent move into Winterpast.
For new readers, VST lost his battle with an aggressive form of liver cancer after 9 short weeks. Shortly before his illness was revealed, we had found a buyer for our home in Virginia City, while making an offer on Winterpast. After VST’s death, I became responsible for the care and maintenance of not one, but two vehicles. Me. The me that never paid attention to vehicles except to ride in them. The me that could be quite the complainer when vehicles didn’t work right, while not understanding much about the car itself.
Every day, during the month of May, 2020, I’d take one of the vehicles and drive 45 miles one way for a load of boxes from the storage area. With 350 boxes of everything from Christmas ornaments to heavy Psychology books, it was all I could do to drive back and forth, hoping not to crash as the tears flowed. One round trip took 90 minutes of travel along the loneliest highway in the America. A real title, I found it to fit the road well.
While driving miles and miles through the desert, it never occurred to me that I should attend to my car’s needs. I didn’t check the oil. I didn’t check other fluid levels. I didn’t even walk around the car to make sure I still had four wheels. I just got in and drove.
Until one day…….
I had driven the Ram 1500 that day. I don’t often speak of this vehicle. It belonged to VST. So many memories are engrained in the upholstery. So many vistas we enjoyed through those windows as we took to the road. We were feral parents of the most wild kind, pulling a trailer behind this pick-up for the better part of a year. VST always drove. I always rode shotgun. Hooked up, off we went. These days, its just a cool truck. Back then, it was an emotional ride just to open the door and sit in the driver’s seat.
VST always made sure it was maintained except for one tiny detail. He had a problem with tires. He would wear the last tread off tires, long after they were safe. In the Central Valley of California, that was just fine. Not too much ice or snow to worry about. No windy roads with the reputation of Geiger Grade which hung precariously on the side of Mt. Davidson on the way to Virginia City. I remember having a discussion about new tires in the fall of 2019. He assured me HE would handle the car issues when it was time. But then, time ran out.
On this certain day in May, I’d returned from the storage area with 24 banker boxes. That seemed to be the maximum number held by the pickup, no matter how I arranged them. Dropping the keys by the front right tire, it was then I was face to face with reality. My tires were BALD. Not just a little used up. Not just a little overdue for new. The tread was gone, or nearly so. So dangerous, I had to get new tires before I drove the truck again. That was my introduction to car maintenance.
At the very least, as a widow, there are some things you simply can’t ignore or refuse to learn about. You Tube is rich with instructional videos. My truck’s hood latch was tricky to find and open. After watching a simple video, I figured it out. It is the same with all the things you need to know about your car.
Please. Make sure your spare tire is in working order. Make sure you know where it is and how to get to it. At the very least, carry AAA Roadside Assistance, so that someone can come to help you in the event of a flat tire. They will also bring gas if you run out or a battery if yours goes dead.
With the cold weather upon us, check your tire pressure to make sure it is correct for your car and driving conditions. Your car’s Owner’s Manual has all kinds of marvelous information, including the type of tires your car requires. Be sure to read through the manual again to refresh your knowledge of your vehicle.
Don’t forget to replenish your windshield washer fluid with the right type for your area. Here on the high desert plains of Northwestern Nevada, I need the type that doesn’t freeze. Your auto supply store will know the type you need for your area. If you are traveling to areas that freeze, that’s something to remember. A windshield full of frozen fluid sucks. We’ll leave that story for another time.
Find a mechanic by word of mouth, not just Google or Yelp. You need a mechanic that is trustworthy and knowledgeable, not just some guy on the corner. I have a local tire shop that I prefer. For maintenance, I like the dealership in town. A little more pricey, but, they sell both Rams and Jeeps. It’s their business to know the vehicles inside and out.
Do learn how to open your hood and check the oil regularly. If you have a newer vehicle, change the oil when the light comes on. Use the best grade of oil and filter offered.
Even though the sticker price will shock you, replace your wiper blades before winter sets in. If you need a new windshield, call your insurance company and get it set up. Some companies will change them right in your driveway.
Above all, don’t ignore the code. It code lead to much bigger expenses than a trip to the mechanic to find the problem.
Knowledge is power. In this case, knowing a little about your car and paying attention to how it sounds and feels when driving down the road will help a lot when something breaks. And, something will. Things always do.
That’s my helpful hint for the month. Boring, but necessary. As widows, new responsibilities can be overwhelming. However, being able to care for ourselves is also empowering in the best kind of way. Although we may not be able to physically fix the problem, it’s wise to know there IS and problem and what to do.
Whatever you do today, don’t forget that your car could use a detailing. Mine sure did. It felt good to dispose of empty water bottles, dust bunnies, and dog hair. With just a little vacuuming and elbow grease, my Barbie Jeep looks like she just rolled off the showroom floor. Now, that’s something positive!
More tomorrow.