Time. Such a strange thing. It can race by in the blink of an eye, or take an eternity for just one hour to pass. But, pass it does. It’s hard to believe that 31 months ago, VST and I were in a struggle with time. Wishing like heck there was more time for doctors to discover a cure for the cancer that cut his life short. Longing for just a few minutes to catch our breath and bearings while precious seconds together stopped at the end of his life.
When I lost VST in the middle of Covid, there was no one around. If you haven’t ever experienced days or weeks totally alone, I can tell you a few things I learned.
You are stronger than you think.
You will remember to care for your basic needs.
Although your shirt may be on backwards, you’ll still remember to put one on before you walk to the post office.
You will learn to talk and listen to yourself, hopefully becoming your own very best friend.
In the end, when your friends do come to your rescue, you will understand the true value and meaning of the word “Friend”. One of the nicest things you can have. One of the best things you can be.
In those days and weeks in which I moved to a town in which I knew only two people, I needed grief support. There were no groups. No preachers making rounds to see lonely widows. No long time neighbors that had watched our kids grow into adults. Quite frankly, there was no one familiar except a random woman I happened to meet at Walmart. Pretty dismal.
It was during that time I found a wonderful service offered by the Chapel of the Light in Fresno, California. Offered under the heading “Grief and Healing” was the service called “Daily Email Affirmations”. I’m on my 3rd year of emails, enjoying them in different ways now. Taking away wisdom and truths that I missed the first 2 times.
Each day, an short email arrives which focuses on an appropriate aspect of grief. Grief is such a strange thing. In the beginning, I viewed it as a very long trip through a very dark forest. Those first days, the foliage and trees were so thick it was all I could do to watch one foot fall in front of the other. But slowly, the forest thinned. The first time my grief lifted a bit, my life became was meadow-like. The the peace felt was beyond understanding. Sure enough, there are still plenty of forests I’ll need to pass through. It’s the passing through that can be tough.
If you are in the middle of the forest, try signing up for these emails. If you are in a meadow right now, use the light to sign up for the emails. They have helped me in so many ways, being another silent friend I can count on morning after morning. Somedays we just say a brief “Hi”, while other days, we sit together for a bit. It’s nice just to have another layer of support.
Grief never really goes away. We get stronger and better able to handle it. It’s the price we all pay for loving someone deeply. Pretty fair trade off. Besides, we get to keep the memories.
Whatever you do today, take time to be grateful for at least three things that happen in 15 minutes. Then repeat. You’ll be surprised how many wonderful things continue to happen every hour, even when we turn our thoughts towards our grief.
Time. Such a strange thing. It can race by in the blink of an eye, or take an eternity for just one hour to pass. But, pass it does. Use it wisely.
More tomorrow.