Adventure is truly a state of mind. My bestie, CC, and I were discussing this yesterday. So many places to see. So many things yet experienced. Every new day holds opportunities that’ll be seized or missed. Each day, you’re the most beautiful you’ll ever be in your life. The boldest and strongest version of you. Each minute wasted is a true tragedy and irreplaceable loss.
Reflecting on the last chapter of my life, I realize how many days were spent in limbo. Waiting. Wishing. Sleeping at the wheel. Missed chances to make choices about my authentic life. Focused on that now, it’s never been more clear that, each day, I have one less. With all the craziness in our world, there are fewer choices available. Freedoms and opportunities evaporate before our eyes. The time is now.
I’ve promised myself I’ll never settle for less than I deserve in this, the last chapter of my life. This isn’t in reference to acquiring more belongings or new things. A shroud has no pockets. Truer words were never spoken. Memory-making experiences are the most important. Often, I’ve settled for situations that were less than what they could have been. Dreams were put on hold, setting them on the back burner for a later time. Now it’s time to embrace my authentic life.
Widowhood has been a journey through the strangest land. There are days in which I wake up and wonder just how I’ve arrived in the place I now find myself. There are other days I awaken to remember every pitfall or steep precipice so severe I thought I’d surely fall to my death. Through it all, the most important thing has been to be true to myself. For, in the final analysis, the life we create depends the paths we take.
In my notebook, with a cup of coffee in hand, I notice things while traveling through my days and weeks. Reading last year’s journal, I see how far I’ve come, thanking fellow travelers that have made my journey enjoyable to this point. I’ve discovered so many unexpected things. Changes made in a neighboring towns. New roads. New businesses opened. Familiar businesses shuttered. Friends have quietly passed on. Through it all, I’ve loved the experiences. As the months have passed, I’ve embraced the most meaningful time in my life.
Last week, while watching a movie, the dearest friend called me. We worked together at the Children’s Hospital teaching kiddos with severe challenges. Through the hardest of days, we helped so many children fight through serious illnesses, while growing together as women. Moving and life had gotten in the way and we hadn’t spoken for over six years.
It just so happened that she had a terrible nightmare about the two of us at the hospital. In a frightening situation, we hid and held each other. It was such a scary dream, she started to look for me online. It was then, she found VST’s obituary. She hadn’t heard. Her heart was breaking for me.
While talking about life on the phone, she was relieved to find me alive and well. Happy and healthy. Reassuring her that life and my journey were fulfilling, I realized how far I’ve come. I know who I am. I know why I am alive. I have purpose and a reason for the life I’m still living. I have a lot to say. A lot of good to do in my final chapter. In a moment of sheer happiness, I found the right words as laughter and memories were shared on that lovely phone call.
When I quiet my heart, there are so many new parts of me that want to speak. I need to listen to them, considering new possibilities. Breaking through road blocks that have held me back, I need to push on and get as much out of life as possible. That is what I intend to do as I create the newest version of myself, rough and ragged though it is at the moment.
Identifying goals, I intend to reach every one of them. They say the sky in the limit. Why there? The truth is, heaven is the limit. Who knows? Perhaps we can soar even higher than that. Choose your dreams carefully and make a plan to get there. Envision what your perfect life will be and move towards it one step at a time. Pretty soon, you’ll have traveled through more adventures than you ever thought you ever could. No need to judge whether it was far enough. Just moving towards your dreams is what life is all about.
Remember this. We all shine in our own ways. If it’s meant to be, it’s up to me. And You! Have a wonderful day.