Not being a fan of lotions and potions, sunscreen is worthless to me. Farming for so many years, lotions interfered with my natural, God-given ability to perspire, evaporate, and cool. I had no desire to hinder a deep rich tan, even if it was the farmer variety. I was lucky enough to have skin that wasn’t prone to sunburn. My tan deepened while working each day, not from hours of idol sunning at a lake or ocean beach.
VST and I were always representing his company by attending various fund raisers. These events were lavish affairs in which one was expected to dress appropriately. In my retired world, I hope never to endure the boredom of another fund raiser in my life. Perfect smiles showing pearly whites, peacock-y princes protected their plastic princesses. Bodies occupied seats for charity while enjoying the booze and tax write offs. I detested these events, but as a supporting wife, I would go as VST’s arm candy.
After a week of waking at 4:00 AM to irrigate 40 acres, teaching twenty 3rd graders, wife-ing and mom-ing, an evening EVENT of any kind was the last place I wanted to be. This was complicated by the dreaded question. What to wear? Hob-nob-ing with the elite of the San Joaquin Valley was stressful. My department store duds couldn’t compete with their polished San Francisco designer looks. Knowing that, I stayed with winter black on black, and summer colors to complement my tan.
That presented another problem. Irrigating for months in the blazing sun, I did have a lovely tan. Not prone to alligator skin or moles, my skin turned a rich golden bronze. The kind of tan the rich ladies bought at the salon. At the time, I had great legs and arms from walking the avenue and helping with farm chores, while they got theirs from repetitions at the gym. The difference was my with tanning pattern. I had a Farmer-Girl Tan. To the ME in my late 30’s or early 40’s, this became more problematic than I find it to be in my present day Age of the Crone.
Farmer-Girl-Tans are troublesome when you want to show off great legs with strappy little kitten heels. My usual farm footwear was sensible sneakers with low socks. This created feet as white as as the driven snow. At Size 11, that’s a snowdrift of blinding whiteness. T-shirt sleeves protected really great shoulders and décolletage just as white as the feet, (I’ve been told mine is FLAWLESS by my lecherous old dermatologist). Longer shorts kept the thighs from tanning. Chosen attire would need provide coverage to these unpigmented areas.
In the winter, the tan faded and clothing covered those areas. Summertime was another story, adding to the stress of planning. VST had exactly the same problem, but, being a devastatingly handsome man, his clothing hid all the white, and his bronze tan, fabulous physique, and stunning grey hair had heads turning.
These days, spending so many hours in the hot tub, my tan is fabulous, with not a mole or blemish anywhere. Using similar one piece swimsuits for uniform coloration, there’s no t-shirt tan or snowy-white feet. Just bronze arms and legs that look great in sundresses and sandals. Aside for a wrinkle here and a bat wing there, one small issue has arisen. I’ve developed a new tan, referred to as The Shark tan.
Sitting in the hot tubs for hours and hours, the front side of everything is nice and tanned. But the back isn’t as bronzed, because of the sitting position. Hence, some parts are tanned, some parts are less so, similar in appearance to the Great White. (Google an image of a Great White and you’ll more easily understand). Obviously, I have way too much time on my hands to even notice this. But, notice it I have. At a quick glace, from head to toe, the tan is lovely enough.
Relaxing in the sunshine, I produce my own Vitamin D, a vital ingredient in the fight against Covid. Vitamin D also helps our bodies absorb calcium and phosphorous. A lack of Vitamin D can cause soft, weak bones or worse, osteomalacia. Who wants that???
Certain sunscreens were pulled from the market this week, containing identified carcinogens like Benzene. Bad stuff. I’ll take my chances with Mother Nature as I bulk up on Vitamin D. With Size 11’s to trip over, I want my bones to have every chance of survival in case of a trip and fall. For one more summer, I’m enjoying sun dresses, sandals and my long hair. Tanned, even if a bit shark-ish, the new look makes the desert heat a little more bearable.
With just a little more than a week until Miss Firecracker and I enjoy our Girls Gone Wild Reunion, Summer 2021 is proving to be full of escapades. Stay tuned for news on the latest.