A while back I was talking with a widower about the loss of his wife. He and I shared things that we missed after suffering the loss of our spouses. Our answers were exactly the same as we went through the long list. The things not mentioned were materialistic things. Those that came up time and time again were simple in nature. Things money could never buy or replace.
Shared memories during a lifetime with a spouse is a loss that hits when you least expect it. You can be having a great day and run across a funny picture taken while sailing in the middle of Monterey Bay. The photographer, now in angel form, isn’t there to set you straight on what time of day the picture was taken, or how many times kisses occurred on the way to snapping that picture. The moment is stolen out of a complete story that no one else can tell now, except me. Sadly, it’s out of a story no one else wants to hear, frozen in a screen shot.
Since his death, I’ve been spared from the split second desire to go tell VST things. I hear many people talk about that experience and I’m so glad it never happened to me. Quite often, I DO talk to VST, explaining how life is going, and how happiness has come to roost over Winterpast. Like cumulous clouds on a spring afternoon, fun activities are now coming my way. Lunch and shopping trips to the mall with girlfriends eager to find out all my news. A comforting church visit. Time spent with a new friend. A garden in full bloom after a long winter’s rest. VST always has time to listen. I know he’s cheering me on in heaven. That’s just what best friends do.
In our retirement years, VST and I became excellent workmates as we restored two houses, while maintaining a third. For hours each day, we would plan and execute building projects. Windows were re-designed and replaced. Doors were jacked up to square, or re-hung altogether. Trips to the hardware store resulted in beauty through the projects we completed. The lumber section of Lowe’s is a place that I still can’t yet visit. The smell of freshly sawn wood takes me back to the projects within the walls of the DunMovin’ House in Virginia City or our little cabin by the lake. These projects involved discussions of every kind while we worked. Times together spent doing normal things. Simply that.
Some of the most special things I miss are basic in nature, but more valuable than a gold mine. Belly laughs. Heartfelt tears. Home cooked meals. Trips to the beach. Hugs. Smiles. Early morning coffee and Channel 2 News. The littlest of things that disappeared. Some days, the absence of these things is deafening. How blessed I am to have great family and friends to check on me while sending funny messages my way once in awhile.
On May 20, a very special milestone will occur, making me wish VST was here to cheer with me. Our oldest grandson is graduating from college. VST spent years in college, finally earning a Doctorate in Organizational Psychology. One of his proudest days ever. This accomplishment inspired many around him to continue their educations, including his children and grandchildren. I wish, for a moment, we could sit together and watch our first grandchild reach this special goal. I’ll just need to celebrate for the both of us, knowing that in heaven, VST has a way to know everything while applauding all our successes.
I’ve started planning my summer of new special moments. If I don’t create these, no one else will. I call this Summer Camp for Joy. It includes a little bowling, some boating on Lake Tahoe, time in the Sierra Nevada’s, and trips to favorite spots as I take mini-road trips. Some will include new friends, while some will simply be time I spend getting to know myself better. Special moments spent forging a new path are never wasted. Solitude can lead to epiphanies while we create our best life.
As the months role by, solitary holes in my routine aren’t so obvious. Replaced by new activities, comforting memories bring smiles and stories to share with those interested. There will always be special treasured moments that hold a place dear in our hearts. Now is the time to fill our lives with new adventures and love! Life is precious!