Every day, I feel lighter. This could be compared to a very long back packing trip, where supplies are consumed along the way. Putting on a pack each morning, it feels the same, but as the days go by, you begin to notice a difference. The stress and strain on your shoulders becomes less. You have more energy as you settle into the rhythmic pace of walking from here to there. So goes the journey through widowhood.
Reflecting back on earlier journal posts, I smile at the woman that began emerging ten months ago. Through a spring of widow’s fog, a summer of healing, the fall of exploration and a winter of reflection, along the way, I am getting to know myself on a much deeper level than ever before, while accepting that I am still pretty lost. A new life I’m creating of my own choosing. A journey full of so many twists and turns, it’s only through my own words, journal-ed on very lonely nights, that I am beginning to understand the strength and toll this took.
My studio has always been my secret hideaway. Girlhood trinkets and treasures remained hidden behind closed doors, safe from prying eyes. So much evidence saved from a life rich with wonderful experiences is hidden there. Those precious mementos need to move into plain sight for my own enjoyment. Winterpast is becoming the supreme She-Shed, all my own. I feel the spring bloom just around the corner, and I will blossom right along with the flowers in my garden.
Flowers. Today, I visited Lowe’s and to my utter delight, I found the first spring flowers on display outside the store. Being a wise and seasoned gardener, I know it is too early to plant delicate blooms. Dangerous frosts still await the high desert and these flowers are only a tease of the spring to come. That reflection I need to apply to my own life, so very tentative and fragile. Wanting to dance away from this nightmare is only normal. However, to dance too quickly can cause one to trip up and fall flat.
Writing continues to be an outlet that I am living for. This morning, a marketing webinar carried me deep into social media requirements, newsletters, and more blogging. Marketing my words will bring such satisfaction, for in my own thinking, I won’t be a REAL writer until the first book is published. Silly, as I publish ever day here on my blog. But, the words need to be un-delete-able on cream colored paper, page after page thrilling my new readers or bringing them to tears. 2021 is the year for this to happen, again, creating a new part of life that I haven’t experienced yet.
Friendship and laughter are alive and well inside Winterpast’s walls. Life is coming full circle to rest in a very happy space. Happiness hums me to sleep at night, while past memories bring smiles of a life well lived. As the new pages are written, I know this is what VST would have wanted for me when he asked if I would be happy living in Winterpast. Yes, VST. I am growing in happiness and light.
My marketing webinar had some very good advice for me this morning. In life, we must make short term and long term goals, while scheduling our days to make the most of valuable minutes given to us. One must believe in unique abilities and visualize wonderful accomplishments while staying the course. Then, we need to DO. Just DO whatever it is your heart says is the right thing.
2021. Stay tuned. Ready to take off and fly with my writing, the possibilities are endless. Thank you for reading, and stay tuned.