Flying First Class

Flying in the 1900’s, when it was a special treat to do so, VST and I traveled to some pretty wonderful places. Early in our marriage, while working for a John Deere dealership in the Central Valley of California, VST’s reputation and super powers led us to beautiful places like Nashville, Tennesee, Puerta Vajarta, Mexico, or the Big Island of Hawaii. Rewarded for his outstanding job performance, the trips we took were well planned and a treat for us both. Although never First Class air, we were treated like royalty once we arrived.

Bucket list-ed, I still want to fly somewhere as a First Class passenger. VST and I flew First Class through life together. I’d often notice how few couples spent flight hours talking to each other. Their noses deep into a book, phone, or lap top, if you hadn’t seen them board together, you’d have thought they were total strangers. What a waste of valuable, uninterrupted time for relaxation and enjoyment of each other’s company. VST and I never wasted a minute.

From the moment I met him at the reunion, that September so long ago, our love affair was a First Class Flight. What made it so was our desire to choose seats together. It didn’t matter the menu or destination, traveling together everything was the best it could be. Raising kids, farming, sailing, or just watching a sunset, it was First Class. As the years passed, it was natural for us to carry our baggage together. He knew what I’d packed, I knew what he’d packed, and together, the baggage wasn’t too heavy. We flew through life First Class. It had nothing to do with the amount of money we were earning, or the house in which we lived. We were rich because we had each other. How I miss that now.

When considering destinations for future flights, I realize it’ll be quite different. No one with which to critique the food or service. No shoulder on which to rest my head. No hand grabbing mine at take off or landing. Just me, in very dark glasses. First Class or Coach, the seat next to mine will not belong to VST.

I’m so grateful life is still First Class for me. I have beautiful kids (not kids, but adults) I love dearly. I have my health and interests, such as writing. I’m lucky to have friends, both new and old. Baggage full of beautiful memories, mine to keep. But, no matter all the extras that come with First Class, my travel partner is gone. Just me in very, very dark glasses, looking ahead to the future, while enduring a bit of turbulence. First Class or Coach, VST no longer occupies Seat A next to my B.

On snowy evenings, headphones and a good movie mute VST’s absence. Some nights, grief steals the seat next to me, with incessant reminders of loss. Solitude and loneliness serve grief like eager new stewardesses. Then, a strong and quiet happiness comes over me to reclaim that seat. Some days, my worn and tattered baggage is a little tougher to negotiate. With reflection and repacking, my load is lighter each day.

As the days have melted into months, the journey is becoming easier while choosing my next destination. It’s my job to maintain balance and keep Flying First Class. A blessed woman I’ve been in this life. Memories will keep me on the happy side of the skies, even if I never take that First Class Flight.