Focus Determines Direction

Focus has been lost the last few days. Derailed by our 33rd wedding anniversary, I’m just now dusting off and finding direction again. First anniversaries of other kinds have been manageable. This one was brutal. Clinging to memories, I became trapped in the past for a little while. With snow piling up outside, I must regain focus on my direction while choosing happiness and peace. The snow will melt just as my grief will subside.

Calendar in hand, it boggles my mind that January’s end arrives Sunday. How this happened, in the blink of an eye, is astounding. Of all my years, one might think, in 2021, time oozes along like cold molasses. Widowed. Alone. Snowed in. Certainly not the case here. My focus turned away from administrative duties for a second and again, it’s time to pay the bills.

VST managed our financials. For years, I carried no purse or credit cards. Always being together, he paid for everything. When working on remodeling, a purse was an annoying hindrance, and so, I didn’t carry one. It worked for us, with his wallet at the ready. On the computer, hawk-eyed, he tended our bills. Alarms on his phone beeped at credit card purchases, while he checked to make sure they were ours. Turbo Tax and he were one, with 2020 taxes completed four weeks before he died. Automatic deposits would cause his phone to chirp on the 1st of each month. He was our financial wizard. Thank goodness, because that was no superpower of mine, or so I thought.

Widow-fogged, in the middle of packing and unpacking, I learned on-line banking in a flash. Practicing together, three weeks before he died, I learned the needed passwords. Beyond that, there were accounts to be managed, eliminating some and creating others due to the move and death.

Credit cards glared at me, right after VST passed. With his name on every account, I started the slow process of letting companies know he was gone. If you’ve done this, you know it’s death by one needle at a time to the heart. Often, while on hold, I had the wrapping paper at hand, packing box after box. With laser-like focus, I dismantled our physical life in the 17 short days after he was gone.

As the weeks passed, the banking became routine. To date, no bills have been missed, or even late, because of my errors. Ira’s were moved and relabeled. New accounts were formed. Investments were created, and now, I’m the Financial Wizard of Winterpast. It’s just taken ten months to arrive at that title.

Directions are funny. Focused on writing, my path is paved with words that rumble in my gut, tumble out of my brain, through my fingers, onto the screen. Some days, I wonder from where they all come, making me laugh and cry with no one else around. The click-ety clack of the keyboard soothes sleepy Ollie at my feet. Like an alarm, he knows when the sound stops, his day begins. Until then, his puppy dreams occupy him. Focus returns to all things business and books today, with limited time to practice lazy . Right now, there’s a business I need to build, and a book that needs a cover designed. More webinars to watch, guiding my focus in the direction of growth, while choosing the happiest route to get there.

Have fun today finding new direction and focus. Prepare for February. Next week!!! Until tomorrow, I love you.

Provo, Utah thank you for reading! I appreciate you. My Cambrian Goddesses, I love you so much. Stay safe. To the Lovely’s, thank you for Winterpast! Have a great day!