Friends and family are such a beautiful statement of love and support. On this the darkest of days, as I sat in the center of the first row of chairs, I looked upon the loving group of friends that VST and I had gathered through the years. These earth angels had come today for me, out of love. They had braved the Covid storm, and sat waiting for the service we had created. And, we began.
T, the first to speak, introducing all of us. He was eloquent in a controlled and firm voice so like his dad’s. With his heart shattered to bits, he remained strong and deliberate in his welcome and introductions. I was so proud of him, knowing how shy he is and how he protects his heart while playing tough guy in his 6’6″ body. T is the embodiment of his dad’s heart. A reflection of the best masculine qualities of VST. He is K’s other half, literally, as they are twins.
When T finished, My sweet son, J, who was unable to attend due to Covid and the travel restrictions that made it impossible, began. The kids put their heads together and brought J into the service through technology. Through the strength God gave him, he delivered a beautiful prayer of blessing to us. To hear his voice was such a comfort on this the hardest day for us all. His voice projected the strength God promises all of us, as we make our way using FAITH as our North Star.
K was next. She had chosen a poem about her dad, which was eerily written for someone else, while being a perfect description of VST and his role in his children’s life. She read with a strength and love that came from nerves of steel, also a gift from her father. K is and will always be the most crystal clear reflection of the beautiful feminine qualities her dad possessed. VST embodied gentleness, grace, charm, and maternal as well as paternal qualities. He was a blend of his own parents, with a heavier dose of his mom, my mother-in-love. While leaning on K and T throughout this the nightmare of 2020, I have found reflections of their dad in ways they project with no conscious effort. They have leaned on me for many memories of him, created when we were selfishly being our feral parent selves. Between the three of us, we have created a triangle of love and support that is unique to us. As she spoke her words, again, I felt the tears of my angel in the pride he had for this most beautiful of women, his beloved DAUGHTER.
Now, with a prayer to lean on, it was now up to me. When VST had died three months prior, I knew I would be the one to give his eulogy. Who better? We had spent almost every free moment together since that September day long ago when neither of us wanted to be at that Class Reunion. He cocky and bold, with women following him around the venue like flies. Me, a hauty beauty who had built impenetrable walls around my heart after years of trusting untrustworthy hyenas. We had been duel wrecking balls to each others emotional defense lines. A seemingly immediate alliance was forged into something so strong, nothing but death would have ended it, even with the most destructive troubles knocking at our door from time to time.
We were oxygen and acetylene, producing a flame in whatever direction we chose. We cut through IMPOSSIBLES while sculpting WE DID IT’S. We were the unassuming power couple that no one would believe existed anywhere. We may not have always produced the prettiest welds, but, they were real and strong. In those areas that we couldn’t come together, and there were plenty, we accepted our differences along the way. Because, life without an US would be unthinkable. It wouldn’t be life. Not ours, anyway.
Just a man with normal flaws, VST was my everything for 33 years. He never changed from that tall drink of water that I saw from across the way on September 5, 1987. I saved our clothes from that night all those years ago. On mornings I need an extra boost, I wear his shirt sometimes. A hug from the other side, and a memory of our dance that first night, his arms strong and sure, holding me next to his heart. A dance in which there were no others in the universe for a split second, just us spinning towards such a lovely life. Only a second’s worth, because with life’s battle scars, at that time, titles of bachelor and bachelorette were all we embraced while being filled with anger and wounds.
But, with a simple call, and conversation, a burnt dinner, and lots laughter, we had melted together. Like dropping food color in a glass of water, at first the differences sometimes seemed insurmountable. As the years past, we became an exquisite shade of blue diamonds. The hardest compound on earth. Stubborn. Tenacious. Unyielding. An undying love, until death closed our story.
I stood before all these people. His blue urn displayed on a patio table we bought at Costco years before. We, in our grief, were sitting in the very yard VST and I had dreamed in when choosing it on February 23rd, 2020. Present were friends we ate many meals with. We camped with. We laughed with. Did target practice with. Shared political views with. Found respect and love with. Friends and family who were most important to us.
Slowly, I rose to stand before them, script in hand. As I cleared my head of raw emotion, I again found my voice. And I began.
To Be Continued…………