Joni Mitchell wakes me on mornings when I use my alarm. Her’s the sweet voice singing about the Hissing of Summer Lawns has brought me back from slumber for years. Even VST, and his intense Country Western preference, found the song a pleasant way to awaken. July 15, 2020, I would have rather remained cocooned in sleep, but knew the hours would evaporate quickly to bring me to 10am and honors for my late husband.
Caffeine and a steamy shower cleared away dreamy cobwebs, as I remembered back in time. January 23, 1988. A beautiful bride to be, I had a morning full of bath bubbles and pampering. Matron of Honor, Mother, Sisters, God Mother, Aunts, and dear girlfriends brought their love and support to me and my jittery mood. Just as the last few months had held doubts from everyone we knew and loved, it brought pensive thoughts to VST and I, as well. On that day, our two young souls, (not realizing we were kids at the time), were betting everything we had on the future life planned but yet unwritten.
Now, shower fog cuddled me on this a day I needed to hold everything together. My life completed as VST’s wife would be honored today in the richest service family and friends could provide. I refused to be the weakest link in this beautiful chain of love.
As I stood blowing my hair dry, a vision of me gazed back that I would now need to embrace fully. A beautiful new Life Story would be written in which I reach my full potential, racing to the finish line on my own terms. I, quite normal in appearance, would become an embodiment of my destiny. With the focus my own choosing, it was now up to me.
DA Girl and CC were awake, talking and giggling while filling 66 birthday balloons with helium. Life and laughter filled the house as I joined them. Static electricity raised our hair with each balloon as we filled and tied them with long ribbons. Each balloon had it’s own peculiar shape and color, reminding me of the thousands of stories VST and I had lived throughout our lives together. A beautiful rainbow of experiences unique to us were left to comfort my broken heart as they slowly helped patch the cracks. Everyone agreed, it was a rare life we managed to create and nurture. Later today, those balloons would race to the heavens, released in tribute to the fleeting days of life’s song in the instantaneous dance of eternity.
Slowly, layer after layer completed my look for the day. Black on black, insecurity under a facade of “All Systems a Go, Full Steam Ahead.” No matter what occurred, a mural of memories would be the result of this beautiful day.
At 8:00am, with a knock on the door, Toni brought in more life in the form of gorgeous floral arrangements, corsages, and boutonnieres. Through tears I saw that she had captured the essence of the day in flowers, because, as we all know, PEOPLE NEED FLOWERS. Lovingly created for our family, the expression of her skills and love of profession were more than evident. I took her to the backyard to see rows of chairs, tent-shaded family facing South and patio-shaded guests facing North, everyone facing the blue urn between them.
We then visited the RV barn, luncheon ready and waiting for guests. She quietly touched a table cloth and commented on the creative way VST was remembered in this space. We hugged and cried together for the briefest moment in cavernous garage still so new to me. A place where just weeks before, a 2018 Winnebago Intent had been parked. Odometer — 30,200 miles. An RV, in which after such a loss, I could only spend short, painful moments before feeling strangled with grief.
All at once there were kids, grand kids, and friends everywhere. Subway sandwiches, chips, and cupcakes arrived. Bottled water was iced. Family chairs were wiped down, after being sprinkled because I had turned off the wrong controller. Helpful busy hands lovingly finished everything just in time.
When the guests started arriving, T’s adorable wife, M, greeted them with her million dollar smile and great hugs. Documented in the guest book, friends signed a photo mat that framed the most beautiful picture K had captured on the deck of VC. A stunning, cloud filled sunrise with VST’s cane and hat at the rail. At 10:00 am, everyone was in place. Family and friends were all waiting to celebrate this man who held a different role in all our lives. Husband, father, grandfather, and friend. Life mate, help mate, business partner, Masonic Brother, Child of God.
Our beautiful yard, my WINTERPAST, suddenly become a holy place in which the rays of sunshine reminded me that life is so beautiful. The sound of the rustling leaves, deep verdant green, were whispering, “You’ve got this. You go, Beautiful Woman.” Weeping organic tears, we all were there to say Good Bye in our own different ways.
And so, it began………
To Be Continued.