Daylight savings arrived like an abrupt door closing in my face. I wasn’t expecting it to affect me this much. The sunset was at 4:54 pm yesterday. Oliver was wondering why his dinner was one hour later. The total darkness after the blue moon of Halloween was startling. This isn’t what I have experienced in winters past.
VST and I had a running debate for all the years we were married. He was a spring summer person, enjoying the fast pace the ranch and life demanded. He loved preparing for harvest from bud break until leaf fall. His skin turned the most beautiful caramel color, and he lived for shorts and tees after working in shirt and tie all day. Even on the hottest of Fresno summer days, his smile said it all. He was summer’s boy.
I, on the other hand, waited for the time to change back, giving me one more hour of precious sleep on that first day of change. I loved having dinner ready as night fell. I felt the silence of the vineyard, grabbing a few days of peace between the last crop and preparations for the next. The greedy vines could sit for just a moment while they went to sleep for the winter. There were a few weeks when they were not demanding all our attention. Winter held more vacation days, letting me nest in my red and green home, while wrapping up in my favorite sweaters and Uggs..
Once we retired, winter was a time we would flee in the RV. A run to Cayucos. Walks on the beach. Visits with my God Mother, TJ, and her friends in Cambria. Delicious Thanksgiving Dinner home cooked with A Street Friends in VC. Christmas. New Years. All with VST and I planning where the rig would take us next. Sitting at Bubba Gumps overlooking the Colorado River in Laughlin? Or walking along the cliffs observing the varying antics of the elephant seals near San Simeon. We always had something chosen to avoid the winter snows of VC. Something warm and sunny. I guess in doing so, I never was hit with darkness at 4:54. For if I was, it was in warm surroundings with the man I loved.
Now, the house has a different feel. Last night, I couldn’t get the lighting bright enough. The shows on TV were not for someone who has working brain. Oliver went into his nighttime surrender to deep sleep, sensing it was 6:30 instead of 5:30. I was too bothered by the extreme dark to even begin to think of sleep. Strange, because the dark has never bothered me before now.
I often laughed at old people that went to sleep with the sun. I’m understanding their rationale more today. For, in dreams, one can still travel to sunny, bright, warm places. Strolling along Waikiki beach, the tradewinds still blow over brilliant seas. In dreams, I can be anything but the old widow I find myself today, bundled in sweats and waiting for the morning sunshine to arrive.
This new dilemma will give me challenges to overcome, but, they are not insurmountable. Crafts, DYI Projects, and new books await. There are plenty of things to do to fill up the night other than sleeping. I will discover new hobbies and find beauty in the night.
I just wasn’t ready for No Color, No Contrast, on this blackest of mornings awaiting sunrise.