Hawaii-philes. A new phrase coined describing VST and me. Through 32 years, we became absolutely addicted to the islands and all that Aloha brings with it. It started with two young lovers taking a second honeymoon in their first year of marriage. The initial fascination and love for paradise grew to much more, over the years.
It all started in 1988, when we were adorable kids. Married six months, reality was setting in. The monumental tasks of parenting a blended family of five was a bit overwhelming. It is one thing to fall in love with a soulmate. Falling in love with a parent of young kids is a very complicated dance. We had to learn to navigate the schedules and personalities of five children, ages 12-7, while not offending grandparents and extended family who held their breath while having everyone’s best interest at heart. Said onlookers had finally given up counting to 9, convinced that we married so quickly because a sixth child was on the way. Believe me, we figured that out on the first date. Five was plenty.
VST came home from work after an extremely stressful day with a brochure he had been given from a co-workers wife. “Pleasant Hawaiian Vacations. Dream the Dream. Live the Aloha Spirit”. The blue waters shown on the brochure were inviting. There was a twinkle in his eye as he asked me if I would run away with him, if only for a week. This while children played in the background and dinner was on the stove. What’s a girl to do??? Of Course!
Our first trip cost us $450 a person, including airfare from Fresno. Money well spent, that I assure you, we did not have in our budget. Six nights, seven days on Oahu. Six glorious days of adult-ing. Sleeping in. Breakfast overlooking the beach. Catamaran rides. All the cheesy things first time visitors do to get the perfect pictures they will cherish forever. We were the young couple old couples would look at and smile. I get it now. They were smiling because they remembered what the NEW was like. Sparking, tanned, trim, and sexy. We spent the week getting to know each other better. We were celebrating the one year anniversary of our Class Reunion, when we had reunited as friends. On that night, two stoic singles insisted their solitary lives were exactly what they had designed. A year later, we knew the design of our lives together was what we had been searching for.
Through the years, we visited Hawaii 30 times. It would have been a good idea to buy a place. Each time we would leave the plane the experience was the same for me. I was home. The air caressing my skin and giving life to my dried out Central Valley lungs was exquisite. No matter the weather, the feeling of returning to city life was thrilling. Farming, the demands of two full time careers needed to support the farm, pre-PsyD college courses, parenting, and still being parented were immense stressors. When a fragrant, Hawaiian rainstorm caught us out walking, we could actually stop and kiss in the middle of it. Not watch in horror as our raisin crop lay threatened on vineyard rows that seemed to go on for miles.
At first, it was annual trips. Endless searching for the right deal on the right hotel, always looking for deep discounts to get closer to ocean front. Each trip earned flight miles, and pretty soon, we were flying nearly free to hotels beach front and 50% off. Our trips got better and better, while becoming bi-annual.
Through the years, our travel experiences were the same. We had endless conversations about anything and everything. Without the stresses and strains of daily life, we could allow our brains to free range. We brainstormed new business ideas. Finally, we had time to talk about the problems in Row 72 of the vineyard and what we could do to mitigate them. We had time to marvel at the growth our children were making. We had time to gossip. We belly laughed. We could sit under a cabana and say nothing, and yet saying nothing said volumes. We were ourselves at peace.
On flights, five hours in duration, I made some observations. VST and I were the couple that was talking, holding hands, cuddled up, giggling, and whispering. We compared our airplane food. We found music channels and poked each other under cloaks of headphones, pointing and giving thumbs up. The others in the plane disappeared, leaving just us in our own world. We drank in those moments like the intoxicating elixir they were. What saddened me a little was the number of couples that were total strangers. What had life done to their visible ties? One in a book, the other on binge. I made notes to myself that we would not become like that. It would take everything we had not to.
Our best trip involved taking our kids with us when they were young olders. With a rented condo and lots of patience from everyone involved, we had the trip of a lifetime. We watched the kids enjoy their first experience flying. We watched them soak in the healing powers of Aloha and relax. We made memories that are frozen in our hearts in the most precious way. We celebrated being a family unique to us. We fought and fretted. We lost one, which found himself and came back to us after a brief trip to report him missing at the police station. We tried to capture quiet adult moments sipping a tropical drink, only to have sand-throwing hellions creep into our peripheral vision. We taught. We took. We showed the island to them through our eyes and they embraced their own visions through their own. Magical and full of our own Menehunes, our trip was one of our most precious moments together.
I always felt that if something happened to VST, when the dust had settled, I would rent a place in Oahu . For years, VST and I would notice a poor soul near Waikiki beach. We called her Cannie Annie. She was always in the same spot. All day, every day, she sat cross-legged near a walkway, smashing cans. Her skin was the nearest to tanned leather that I have ever seen. She sat, smiling, as she smashed one aluminum can after can. Maybe I would become the new version of Cannie Annie. At the very least, I would breathe in healing air, and let the Menehunes take me by the hand into their world, because I was sure without VST, my world would cease.
Covid ripped that possibility away from me and shredded it to bits. So many days, I have wanted to run, not walk to the airport and buy a one way ticket to paradise. But, paradise is closed. Fitting that the one place in which I might find my most precious memories waiting in a sunset or trade wind caress is blocking tourists. Maybe the Menehunes just had no more to give. How many souls over the years have gone to the islands taking its magic as their own? The islands are as tired as the rest of us. Pele needs to regroup. The locals need to dance for themselves for awhile. My soft place to fall disappeared.
So, in Month Five, Oliver and I took a Covid trip. Best bargain I have ever found. Aloha in the Living Room. Do Ho came and gave us a private concert. I served fresh pineapple while watching Elvis come to life in Blue Hawaii. I took out memory books from past trips, and I returned there, half the young couple that September night on Waikiki kissing under a full moon when not another soul was on the beach. During that kiss, Hawaii was all encompassing and the only place in the world we wanted to be. My trip was splendid. I didn’t need to quarantine for two weeks. Oliver didn’t need to worry about traveling in a confining crate. No masks. Just vacation time in our living room, celebrating Aloha with memories enough for a lifetime. I am quite sure Oliver noticed the Menehune discussing the fact that my world without VST didn’t cease, and that their guidance to a distance forest wouldn’t be needed after all.
Grab your own MaiTai and find your own Aloha spirit. As defined by the State of Hawaii, “Aloha is the coordination of mind and heart within each person. It brings each person to the self. Each person must think and emote good feelings to each other.” The world needs each of us to LIVE Aloha in our lives today. Remember your moment under the moonlight, and embrace it as the miracle it was and remains this very day.
