hope - Grieving Gardener

August 9, 2024

Wedding Bells!!!!

For many years, I lived in a world without wedding bells. I guess families go through periods like that. During decades of life, there are periods of weddings, baby showers, graduations, retirements, and funerals. Then, there are dry spells. Being one of the youngest in a very old family, I was out of step with many of those family milestones, except for the funerals.

Auntie TJ made a decision when she was my age that she’d no longer attend weddings, showers of any kind, or funerals. So, for the last twenty years, she’s avoid those observances. At the time, I was in awe of her decision, as I felt the same way. But, slowly, when there were none of the happy occasions to celebrate, I started to missed them.

Growing up in a family of five girls, sixteen years from the oldest to the youngest, wedding and baby showers were a common occurrence. Each daughter chose unique themes, decorations, food, and games for their special celebration. (Big difference between wedding showers of 1964 and 1978.) Then, the Aunties and cousins arrived loaded with giggles and gifts. Such fun memories full of laughter and good wishes.

Now, I’m receiving invitations again, and choosing differently. Bring on every party , game, and pink and blue cupcake. I’ll attend each gender reveal with a happy heart. I’ll cry at the right parts of the upcoming weddings, trying not to complain too much while shopping for the proper clothing for each event.

This weekend, we’re again on the road, traveling over Donner Pass to celebrate at a reception in California. The adorable newlyweds eloped on a destination wedding to Italy. How do you top a proposal under the Eifel Tower? With a wedding across the plaza from the Colosseum! Romance to the max for the adorable couple.

The party will be full of family and friends that will dance the night away under the stars after enjoying a magnificent meal. Weddings are a joyful time for the couple and all those who love them. This reception will be a time for the newlyweds to kick up their heals. After all, they’re already married!! Now it’s time to party.

Although Wookie knows California well, and two remaining wooklets would love to see her again, she will be hanging out at puppy camp with Oliver. There they’ll enjoy swimming, playing with others, and games of fetch. Enjoying lots of food and love, their weekend will disappear as quickly as ours.

Whatever you do this weekend, think about your own family milestones. If you’ve been invited to a baby shower or wedding, dust off your dancing shoes and go. Celebrating with family and friends is one of the happiest times in your life!! Go for it!

Choose Today to Begin!

Celebrated each year on July 26, National All or Nothing Day allows people to throw caution to the wind and go for broke. Everyone holds unfulfilled dreams, unmade decisions, or uncompleted plans. On this day, people break free of everything holding them back and Go For Broke!!!

In 2020, I’d never blogged a day in my life. With so much to share, I decided I was ready to publish my thoughts. On one autumn afternoon, I created Grieving Gardener, posting my first blog on September 24. Since then, I’ve never looked back.

Is there room for improvement? Of course. Is every word spelled correctly, or every bit of grammar correct? Nope. But, this much is true. I’ve found the words I’d lost for so long. As each month passes, my writing has improved. I’ll continue to write for the rest of my life. It all started with that first blog so long ago.

Everyone has at least one obstacle they’d like to conquer or overcome. It may be that fear or hesitancy is holding you back. So make today YOUR September 24. Make a plan, take a first step and move towards it.

Whether you make a public announcement, apply for the job you’ve been eying, or mend a fence, sometimes we need to take a different path. While other days on the calendar don’t urge us to make a decision or change, this one does.

So…..

1.Define your goal.

2. Write down the first three steps to move toward that goal.

3. Enlist help from a friend or family member to encourage you. You can even choose a challenge you can do together.

4. Get out there and tackle it!

Some of the biggest changes in our lives start with small steps. Often they are gut-wrenching decisions because we rarely know whether the outcome will be successful. But how will we ever grow if we don’t keeping reaching for those dreams?

Whatever you do today, make a decision. Make a plan. Inform others of your goal. Most importantly, Go For Your Dreams!!!

Have a wonderful weekend. I’ll be back Monday.

July 16, 2024

Don’t Mess With the Widow

There are some days life requires you to put on your big-girl pants and stand up for yourself. Sometimes, there isn’t another person that can take the wheel. That someday came last Friday. But, I’ll start from the beginning.

After months and months of dealing with a professional, my relationship with this person finally ended last week. Last fall, I needed a service and this person came highly recommended. The service needed was easily provided by this professional and we agreed on a price, although the final bill ended up being higher.

With details carefully discussed, I trusted this person would be true to his word. I wasn’t requesting brain surgery or anything quite so serious. Just a service that he’d provide for an agreed price. With a hand shake we were off.

After 9 months and four visits to retrieve, repair, retrieve, repair, and retrieve the project, it was finally corrected and finished. A professional project shouldn’t have taken this long. It wasn’t an oil painting or a lengthy novel. Two months later, when I needed the item, I realized, ANOTHER glaring error.

To get the project corrected and finished, I called upon inner strength, courage, intelligence, patience, and organizational skills. I had to negotiate for corrected results in a professional way. I researched government agencies that would help me if I didn’t find cooperation. Then, I went to work.

Snail-mail letters are highly effective when dealing with problems in life. If you have a keyboard and printer, take the time to write down facts about your problem in an organized way, avoiding feelings. One thing to remember about effective negotiations is that things go well when you leave out emotions like anger. Just the facts, Ma’am.

I was careful to remind the gentleman that taking advantage of a widow (which I most certainly was at the time) is a terrible thing to do. No one should EVER take advantage of a widow and expect to get away with it. The bible talks about that.

After receiving the letter, the professional corrected the project for the last time. After examining his work very carefully, I agreed to accept the finished project. It was then I quietly asked about the refund that I certainly deserved after nine months of nonsense.

I was offered a dinner and a show.

As a woman, always remember to consider all options before speaking. Know your bottom line. I did consider this offer for about 15 seconds before I replied, “That’s not going to work for me.”

In the next breath he offered me a complete refund that was gratefully and graciously accepted. With a hand shake, our story came to a close.

As a senior citizen, (perhaps widowed), remember that you have a voice. It’s not okay for younger, more professional or educated people to take advantage. Your time, energy, and frustration are all worth something. Right is right. No one will advocate for you better than YOU, but it’s up to you to speak your mind.

The professional and I shook hands on the deal and all’s well that ends well. My refund came in the mail yesterday, paid in full. Thank goodness there are still people that are honorable when things go wrong. No hard feelings. Sometimes you’re the windshield, sometimes your the bug. I wasn’t going to be the bug this time. Don’t ever accept victim status. Not healthy.

Whatever you do today, take care of loose ends. If you are in the middle of righting a wrong, take a deep breath and continue. The truth will prevail. Patience as you carry on.

More tomorrow.

July 12, 2024

Then And Now

Harvesting food and flowers from Winterpast, I can’t help but remember how the gardens have changed since I came here in April of 2020. Moving into a new home, I had no idea if I could even keep anything alive, yet alone help it to thrive. Alone and terrified of the responsibility, the need for greenery and my own space outweighed my fear.

During the first two years, I ran into some huge problems. The air conditioning unit died, causing an unexpected expense of huge proportions. There was no choice when living in the desert.

Then, there was the problem with the lift station for the sewer system. What a shocker it was when it stopped working. Even more eye opening when I was told a new unit would cost another $5,000. If not for the kindness of a neighbor, I would’ve never known the broken equipment was owned and maintained by my city.

At that point, I began to question the wisdom of owning a home as a widow. So many different things to understand, diagnose and fix. Many, many things I’d learned about while farming and doing renovations. For that information, I’ll be eternally grateful.

And then, there were continual problems with the very complicated irrigation system that’s grown Winterpast into the beautiful oasis she is. From split lines to the need for burrowing deep into the ground to find bigger leaks, a desert garden requires high intense maintenance.

The other day, I was looking through some pictures and was a bit shocked. They tell the tale of how things have changed around here. HHH and I are so blessed to enjoy this paradise that is our Winterpast.

With faith, hope, patience, and hard work, dreams do come true.

Whatever you choose to do this weekend, look closely at the path your life has taken throughout the past five summers. Although some changes might’ve been tough, try to focus on the beauty you’ve enjoyed along the way. Life is a blessing. Now, go enjoy your weekend.

July 9, 2024

Good Timber

Good Timber by Douglas Malloch

The tree that never had to fight
For sun and sky and air and light,
But stood out in the open plain
And always got its share of rain,
Never became a forest king
But lived and died a scrubby thing.

The man who never had to toil
To gain and farm his patch of soil,
Who never had to win his share
Of sun and sky and light and air,
Never became a manly man
But lived and died as he began.

Good timber does not grow with ease,
The stronger wind, the stronger trees,
The further sky, the greater length,
The more the storm, the more the strength.
By sun and cold, by rain and snow,
In trees and men good timbers grow.

Where thickest lies the forest growth
We find the patriarchs of both.
And they hold counsel with the stars
Whose broken branches show the scars
Of many winds and much of strife.
This is the common law of life.

I hope that someday, when I’ve gone far away, someone compares me to Good Timber with deep roots and strong branches. You can fall for anything if you don’t stand for something. Standing for beliefs and values takes extra effort and courage at times. Doing the right thing isn’t always the easiest thing.

As I look through the decades at my ancestors, it’s obvious I came from an entire forest of strong timber. Life wasn’t handed to any of our fore fathers on a silver platter. They chose their own course in life and went for it, even when going for it was the toughest choice they could make.

Christoph and Anna Geringer — 50th Anniversary

When Christoph and a pregnant Anna (my great-grandparents) were deciding on a move to America, it would have made a lot more sense to stay put. The unknowns were deep and dark. Childbirth. Traveling through unknown and dangerous territory by foot. Depending on their faith and following their own Northern Star, they went for it. The courage and bravery of all the German’s from Russia that made the trek is awe inspiring.

Once here, they impressed upon their children the importance of education. Assimilation in the American culture was vital for success. Learning English, they became the Americans that helped build our country. They cherished the freedom that they had only read about while living under oppression in despair. In doing so, they found their own Last Green Valley.

Life in 1902 makes the troubles I faced in 2020 laughable. Too Cold? Turn up the heat. Too Hot? Turn down the AC. Hungry? Call “Door Dash” for a pizza. Just widowed? Order extra Kleenex from Amazon. The life of our forefathers made adults of children at an early age. What would they think of the state of things in 2024????????

Whatever you do today, think about being “Good Timber” in times of storms and strife. An easy life is promised to no one. In fact, if the truth be told, easy lives are a myth. With hard work and effort, some people are just good at making it look that way. So, buck up and carry on with one foot in front of the other. Life is beautiful and we are so blessed.