Grieving Gardener

Let me begin by telling you I LOVE THE WIND. The stronger the better. There is nothing better than hunkering down in the worst of winds with a good cup of coffee and a book. Better yet, a windy nap under an overcast sky. On my favorite days, the wind blows at around 10 – 12 miles an hour all afternoon. Unless of course, nice hair and driving are involved. Then, wind is not my friend.

On the high desert plains, wind is a part of life. It’s one of the many reasons I love my home so much. Desert winds age or break everything. You can hear them coming like a freight train, much like huge waves at the beach. They always carry things away, leaving the air fresh and clean.

Yesterday, I came to know why some people fear the wind. During the storm, Oliver and I cuddled up on the couch, but not in a good way. A way that felt like we should really be in the bathtub with a mattress over our heads. A “tornado’s coming” kind of way. The winds yesterday exceeded 50 mph.

Here on the high desert plains, things are built to withstand winds. Winterpast has stood strong for almost 20 years. With the finest vinyl fencing, there is no wood or weather rot from sub-standard cedar that is sold today. Nope. This fencing is made for our winds and weather, while wooden fences become rot and then break. That being said, my fence did have one small break. The winds were that strong.

When the storm began, it seemed normal. Windy, but not terrible. On my to church, there were a few dust-devils, very common here. Nothing said, “Storm’s com’in” to me. Leaving the service to go home, the weather had changed with a dust storm upon us. Sand can ruin a perfectly good windshield or paint job. Not a place to leave a nice Jeep sitting out for the day. I scurried home.

Once inside, the winds howled. Around 4:35 pm, I lost power.

Losing power around here is always a time for me to catch up with my loved ones. Living alone, we all agreed that I should have a “Help! I’ve Fallen and I Can’t Get Up” button. The system is marvelous. It came with a waterproof shower button, an “Away From Home” button, a wrist watch for sleeping button, and a pendant. In any sort problem, whether from an errant dust rag, a power outage, or a real emergency, all my kids and my dear friend, CC, are alerted by text.

“Something’s wrong with the crone. Give her a call.” They all call me immediately to be sure it was a false alarm.

It’s always nice to reassure them that I am just fine.

The power was out for 2.5 hours yesterday. Pretty sure that Nevada Energy pulled the plug on us. I can’t blame them. Earlier in the day, a downed power line caused a fire in the biggest little city just to the west of me. I’ve lived here at Winterpast 26 months. This was the first and only extended power outage in my time here. That’s pretty darn good.

I learned that I have depend way too much on the internet to fill down time. My 100 watt light bulbs are necessary for my weak eyes. The soup I wanted to eat needed to be microwaved. My “Verizon Hot Spot” doesn’t work well in a storm. Everything that seemed fun at the time involved electricity. I also learned that 50+mph winds scare Oliver and me.

This morning, it’s time to go walk the fence line and look for damage. I’ll call the gardener and ask him to come prune some broken tree limbs. There’s new leaves to rake before summer comes knocking on June 21st.

Have a wonderful Monday! I’ll be back tomorrow.

New horizons always hold excitement for me. Traveling over the years, the best part of the morning is before the sun even comes up. Everything is new and ripe with potential as the day begins. That’s how I’m finding my life right now. Exciting, unpredictable, and brand new.

As the story of my future here at Winterpast slowly unfolds, I’ve chosen a path different than the one I’ve been on for the past two years. It’s leading right back to that 8:00 bell and a room full of beautiful 3rd graders with the jitters in their legs. Needing to dust off my whistle, this teacher is headed back towards the playground of life.

Last night, eyes wide open in the dark, I thought of all the ways VST helped me my last two years of teaching. It was, indeed, a team effort. Both up at 4:30AM, I left the house by 6 AM every day, with classroom preparation ahead of me. He waited until he dropped me off at school. Faithfully at 3;30 every day, he waited again in the parking lot for a tired teacher to roll on out to the car.

Each day, dinner was already planned. Patiently, he waited for me to correct papers from daily lessons and watch me tumble into bed. All the while, he longed for his own opportunities that never came. While remaining hopeful as he waited, he built things. Outrageously beautiful things, all while helping me.

In the dark, it crossed my mind that I will remain irrelevant if I don’t spread my wings and take a chance. There are children that need to discover the beauty in writing. They need to know that math is really fun and science is the most interesting part of the day. They deserve a safe place to spend their days. I deserve another chance to learn more about the world. Molding in the darkness of irrelevance isn’t me.

After experiencing the devastation of the last two years, times have changed. The days are really long here at Winterpast. The quiet solitude is becoming a bit of an annoyance. It’s time that I find a purpose outside of these four walls. There are kids that need a teacher just a few miles from my front door.

It’ll be up to me to round the bases for the 185 days of the next school year. Up to me to pack my own lunch and navigate snow and wind as I travel to a tiny little school in a very out of the way place. I’ll be on my own when I need to discover ways to help every child in my classroom. Having my own in-house psychologist was pretty handy when confusing situations arose. VST was always there to listen.

At a church function yesterday, I spoke to the pastor’s wife. As I told her I had applied to her little school, and only hers, she brightened.

“Have you interviewed? I’ll call the principal right away and let him know he needs to call you. Come, let me introduce you to the librarian. She also attends our church. ” Just like that, I know two co-workers. There are no accidents in life.

Later in the day, the Pastor’s wife and future co-teacher texted to tell me the following:

“Two minutes after I sent a text to my principal, he responded. He will be getting in touch with you on Monday to set up an interview.”

Technically, I’m now on summer break. It’ll be a short one, as I return to college on July 8th. The 2022-2023 school year begins on August 9th. My 22nd year of teaching. The formality of an interview will come and go and then, I’ll know three co-workers. By August 10th, I’ll just be one of gang looking forward to a wonderful school year full of amazing growth and adventures. There’ll be no time to bask in my moment as the new kid on the block. Teaching isn’t like that.

College coed. New teacher. Home owner. Gardener. Church girl. Friend. Mentor. Oliver’s Mom.

Descriptors of me in a very new and exciting life! My, how quickly time change everything, bringing with it the first chapter of a brand new life. God is good all the time. All the time, God is good.

More tomorrow.

It’s been 2 1/2 years since I painted anything. Thank goodness Winterpast was in great shape when I bought her. Having a few other problems on my plate, painting was on the back burner until now. And now, it’s time.

Ninja Neighbor, the gal next door, recently painted the interior with the help of a few friends. With rooms bright and white, her home looks like it was plucked from the pages of Home and Garden. Yes, she has 22 years on me, but, I’m capable of painting the smaller spaces. I’ve started with the laundry room.

Choosing a color took a little time. I was going for white, but which one? Some are more green. Some more gold. Some more blue. All still white. My favorite was one called “Calcium”. Having a degree in Biology, that seemed a good fit.

It was during this selection phase that I discovered the latest trend in decorating.

Coastal Grandmother.

“Coastal grandmothers are those who are effortlessly stylish (but in a comfy way), have a put-together presence (without trying too hard), know how to be the best hostess (while never breaking a sweat,) and appreciate the finer things (yet still feel approachable)”. according to Southern Living Magazine.

It’s a lifestyle that embodies the love for clean, light, simplistic beachfront properties, white button-down shirts, cozy interiors, fresh flowers, white wine, going to bed early and a laid-back, minimalistic, coastal feel. The typical coastal grandmother does not decorate her home as a maritime museum, but rather, he or she gravitates toward coastal neutrals, light-colored breezy linens, and minimalistic style.” _{Susan Claire McDonald — The Island Packet –Hilton Head, SC}

Okay, I’ve seen “Something’s Gotta Give” (2003). Although further from the ocean than I’ve ever lived before, I could see that look going on here at Winterpast. After all, seashells are made mostly of what? CALCIUM. And so, my decision was made.

Going to buy the paint was interesting. The paint guy had a very grey braid longer than mine. Promising to whip up that paint in a jiffy, I visited the kitchen cabinet department to dream about my Coastal Grandmother cabinets. Being the painter for VST’s projects, my cupboards are stuffed with all the things necessary to complete the job. Rollers, extension poles, brushes, paint pads, and much more. All that was lacking was the paint.

Funny, before beginning this project, I thought everything looked great around here. But, there is nothing like one freshly painted room to let you know, the rest needs freshening as well. And so it begins.

If you are starting your own project, remember to choose one room at a time. Choose something you can finish within two weeks. Finished means everything, from baseboards and trim to the ceiling. Done and put back together with flowers on the counter. Otherwise, the project can sour and, quite frankly, never be finished. A fact in my experience over the years.

Now that there is an actual decorating trend involving the word “Grandmother”, I’m pretty jazzed. Who knew that we would actually get our day in the spotlight? Be sure to choose your whites carefully. Buy the best brushes and paint you can afford. Avoid ladders if your balance isn’t great. Better yet, when at all possible, hire it done.

Have a wonderful Saturday.

More tomorrow.

i don’t want to be someone who writes in pencil
and eats too slowly and walks with eyes that
are glued to the sidewalk and tops of strangers’ feet
i’ve been underwater for so long that
i’ve forgotten lungs are meant
to be filled with air; exhaling seems
more like something found
on the second star to the right, rather
than a process that is meant to be
done twenty-three thousand times a day

i feel like an old woman who
looks in the mirror and all she can see
are wrinkles and white hair and tired eyes and
the absence of who she used to be

but i am not someone who turns away
from sunsets and pretends
that darkness is all i’ve ever known;
someone who thinks
the sun will never rise again

because the sun will rise again—
the words hiding inside of me will
find their way out, because
i cannot hold my breath forever

i am not someone who writes in pencil
and erases the bits that are too
honest and too imperfect and too real
to claim as thoughts of my own

i cannot keep my lips pursed and
hands tied behind my back,
i cannot keep pretending i am
a shadow of who i used to be

my tomorrows hold suns much
brighter than ones that have risen
over horizons of my past;
i have not reached the summit yet

there is so much more me
for me to become

each day, i am new.

_{Written by Madisen Kuhn}

Thank you for these beautiful words, Madisen Kuhn. Have a wonderful Friday! I’ll be back on Monday.

Today, there is absolutely nothing of value in my head.

Have a wonderful Thursday.

More tomorrow.

What can I say. This little guy runs the show. He doesn’t ask much. Just the basics.

There is nothing that Sir Oliver, Gentleman of Ashworth Hall loves more than his daily meals. Two 1/2 cup servings of Iam’s Lamb and Rice mini chunks. He loves his food, enjoying the happiest times of day at 4:00 AM and PM. It became necessary for me to buy a puzzle bowl to slow him down. Until today Oliver was a hearty eater.

This morning, everything was normal. Oliver whined a little to wake me up. After starting the coffee, we both used the bathroom. Pee Pads are the greatest thing ever and Oliver has mastered them.

He raced off with normal excitement to wait at the pantry door for his breakfast. I scooped and shared his normal meal.

That’s when the most bizarre happened. He sat and looked at me. Then, he looked at the food container in the pantry. Looking at his dish with disgust, he refused to eat. Absolutely refused his food. I’m quite sure his eyes were saying, “Look Lady, here I draw the line. Something’s wrong with this food. ‘Aint happening.”

Weird things are happening with our human food supply. Watch your pet’s behavior around meal time. Be sure that what goes in comes out looking consistent from day to day. Make sure to provide plenty of fresh, cool water for your pets as summer approaches. Watch their behavior and listen to them when they are truly trying to tell you something.

The 1/2 bag of Iam’s food went into the garbage. Opening a new bag, he ate, although not with his normal excitement. It doesn’t help that his human idol, Ace, is visiting. When Ace is here, Oliver’s world is complete. Food is second place. Little else exists for Oliver when Ace is around.

Our furry friends are such an important part of life. Be sure to take good care of them. If something looks or smells off with their food, listen to them and start over.

More tomorrow.

School days are coming! I, my dear readers, am returning to school on July 8th. With back pack and cute jeans. Oh, yeah. Wait a minute. Things are different now. I’ll be spending more time in my studio in front of the computer screen. I must say, the excitement wore me out yesterday. Let me unpack the story for you.

Two weeks ago, I met a new friend. She works at a tiny little school by my favorite local lake. Yes, it IS the one in which they find an occasional body, but it’s so beautiful, I’ll overlook that little fact. As we talked, she told me about her job and how much fun she was having. With graduation just around the corner and memories haunting me, I asked her to tell me more. She mentioned that the number of Christian teachers there had increased to five and it was a great staff and even better students and families. A small country school focusing on reading, writing, and arithmetic in 2022. Go figure.

So, her words worked on me until curiosity got the better of me. I Googled the district office and found that there IS a one year 3rd grade opening at that very school. Fancy that. 3rd Grade is my happy place fbecause the people there are the nicest found anywhere in the world.

Doing more research, I realized why the position is a one year appointment. An abundance of 2nd graders. That happens once in awhile when a huge class creates a staffing problem. You need an additional teacher for that particular class as they go through the year.

On my end, there are a few obstacles in the way.

1. I am no spring chicken. At 66, 3rd graders have much more energy than I do on a good day.
2. Naps aren’t even for kindergartners anymore. I love a good afternoon nap.
3. I would be starting the year with no personal supplies. Teachers spend a huge amount going back to school every year. Starting from scratch is expensive.

Those three points should’ve given me pause, but there was one more challenge presented a bigger problem. My Nevada teaching license expired in 2018.

Reciprocity – the practice of exchanging things with others for mutual benefit, especially privileges granted by one country or organization to another. Nevada honors teaching credentials from California with a minor requirement.

I used up my one chance at reciprocity when VST and I moved to Virginia City to teach middle school. They simple required three classes to be completed in three years. Guess who missed the bell on that one?

Driving to the Nevada Department of Education yesterday, I thought back to the last time I went there in person. VST drove and I was a bundle of nerves. A new school. New students. I would be THE Science teacher for Virginia City Middle School for one year. Their teacher was running away to snorkel at some tropical venue for a year. Middle school science will do that to a person.

Yesterday, I drove myself. Once arriving, I received the best news. Two of the three classes were no longer required. I only needed one class to re-activate my teaching credential. ONE. Only One. With online schools, this would be done in a snap. Driving home with a pre-approved list of colleges in hand, I was giddy with delight.

Well, not so fast. As it turned out, the list I was given was old and outdated. Colleges had shut their doors. Some had changed names. Some were closed for the summer. Finally I found the one that would work for me. University of Phoenix. You know, the one that tailors every situation for every student? That one. Sure enough, quicker then I could type in my Visa number, I transformed myself into a college coed. I’m thinking of a bean bag chair and black light for my studio. My hair is long enough for braids now. Add a pair of Birkenstocks and it will be 1973 all over again. For sure, the hair might be gray, but the roots are still as blond as ever.

Here’s the deal.

I may never make it to the first day of school for the 8:00 bell on August 9. There may be no need for a complete teaching wardrobe or sensible new shoes. I may not need a shiny lunch box and thermos set. Or new hair clips and scrunches. I may never get to feel the First Day Jitters just one last time. Or wipe away tears as a beloved class skips out the door towards 4th grade.

But, this is the truth.

Without returning to college to complete one class, I’ll never have a choice about how I spend my August 9th, 2022. That much is true.

With that being said, I need to start my lists. So many things to prepare for the beginning of college on July 8th. I need to spend some time roaming around the Student Union and Resource Center at the virtual campus. I got a special invitation to do so from the Dean.

More tomorrow.

“Can a dead man remember the singing of a nightingale and the fragrance of a rose and the sigh of a brook?

Can a prisoner who is heavily loaded with shackles follow the breeze of the dawn?

Is not silence more painful than death?”

“He was the one who first sang to me the poetry of real life.” _{Khali Gibran — The Broken Wings}

So, Lord,

Take these broken wings

So I may learn to fly again

And learn to live so free

When I hear the voices sing

The book of love will open up

And let me in. _{John Lang}

There is a very strong woman that lives in my town and worships at my church. She works full time training doctors and nurses so that they may care for others. She provides a soft pillow to travelers through her air BNB. She feeds the poor in our town through the church food pantry (last month feeing 612 people). She has the brightest smile. The meaning of an angel in “human form” is a messenger, a kind and lovable person, or one who manifests goodness, purity and selflessness. This description fits her perfectly.

A few days earlier, the pastor had asked for prayers for her, as she was under the weather. Seeing her at church yesterday, I asked if she was feeling better. She replied that she had an injured shoulder that acted up from time to time.

“Boy do I understand. I have a broken wing, too.” I replied.

Stopping, she looked me squarely in the eye. “I’ve named my problem the same thing. A broken wing.” In that moment, we formed the bond of The Sisterhood of the Broken Wing. Wanting to write about this productive woman who manages to squeeze more into a day than I can squeeze into a month, I googled “Broken Wings”.

“An angel with one wing still in tact symbolizes freedom and that no matter what happens, there is still hope.” I had no idea this is really a thing. One-winged angels. Who knew?

Personally, I’m the one-winged angel that, thru widowhood, managed to maintain optimism, faith, and hope. At times, the wilderness of widowhood brought me to my knees. But like a beautiful butterfly, freedom is here. I’m learning to “fly” again. Through God’s grace and mercy, I’m continuing to fly higher and higher each day. I’m learning to love myself again. Still the same person I’ve always been, I’m becoming stronger and freer with each new day.

The sisters of the hood are now nursing our broken wings back to health. Together, we can do greater things now that we have two good wings between us. A town needs angels on earth. Find a need in your town and help fill it.

Have a wonderful Monday.

More tomorrow.

Death is nothing at all.
It does not count.
I have only slipped away into the next room.
Nothing has happened.

Everything remains exactly as it was.
I am I, and you are you.
The old life that we lived so fondly together is untouched, unchanged.
Whatever we were to each other, that we are still.

Call me by the old familiar name.
Speak of me in the easy way which you always used.
Put no difference into your tone.
Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.

Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes that we enjoyed together.
Play, smile, think of me, pray for me.
Let my name be ever the household word that it always was.
Let it be spoken without an effort, without the ghost of a shadow upon it.

Life means all that it ever meant.
It is the same as it ever was.
There is absolute and unbroken continuity.
What is this death but a negligible accident?

Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight?
I am but waiting for you, for an interval,
somewhere very near,
just round the corner.

All is well.
Nothing is hurt; nothing is lost.
One brief moment and all will be as it was before.
How we shall laugh at the trouble of parting when we meet again!

_{Source: https://www.familyfriendpoems.com/poem/death-is-nothing-at-all-by-henry-scott-holland}

Enjoy a wonderful Sunday. More tomorrow.

With gas prices skyrocketing and groceries costing as much as our mortgages used to be, we’re all looking for a deal. Just yesterday I read that stores are now discounting merchandise because they have no more shelf space. The world has gone totally mad. What happened to the supply chain problem??? The Walmart to the East has merchandise stacked in the aisles.

Yesterday, I decided to investigate this for myself. I found many great deals on clothing at Walmart. I hope our young families are clued in and doing Back-To-School shopping now, even though the last day of school hasn’t yet arrived for some kids. Lots of bargains to be found on the overflowing racks.

You may not know this, but, garden centers often discount struggling plants. Sometimes, perfectly healthy ones get thrown in with their ailing friends. At my Go-To Garden Center, the discount is usually 50%. Plants are so expensive these days, and everyone loves a bargain. Buying a discounted one can be a risk. You might be buying a plant that has no chance of survival, so be careful. Do your homework.

Think about your local temperatures for the next two months. Here in the desert, Johnny-Jump-Ups or pansies are not a flower I would ever buy, discounted or not. Their delicate blooms and the hot desert sun are not a match. But, a succulent that has been overwatered or in the shade a bit too long is a good selection for me. If you do live in the desert, try those that have thick waxy leaves.

Try to avoid those plants that show evidence that their blooming cycle is finished (dead or dying flowers). Those plants are often annuals that are at the end of life. Best you leave them on the shelf.

A great choice are grape vines or roses. Both bounce back after a little tender loving care. Here, it’s late in the season to transplant anything, as most plants need cooler spring temperatures to establish themselves. That goes for vegetable starts, as well. If you have a covered patio, you might want to place the vine or rose bush in a pot until fall when the temperatures are great for planting in the garden.

At my store, there’s a separate area for discounted houseplants. Thursday is the day the tired plants get marked down. I never pay full price for houseplants and have so many, my favorite coffee cup is marked “Plant Lady”. House plants clean the air and make me smile. A home can’t have too many.

A note about house plants. I often get compliments and comments about the health of my house plants. Yes. They are all thriving. There is a trick to this phenomenon. If they don’t thrive, they are replaced. No need looking at a Pathos that has one leaf. Say your Good Bye, shed a tear, and begin again. When replacing the plant, (because plants are good for you), consider the reason the last plant died. Perhaps you need to change its location or open your curtains more often. Miracle Grow plant food does produce miraculous results.

Don’t forget to shower your houseplants at least once each season. That’s right. Shower them with cold water to clean dusty leaves. You’ll be amazed at how much better they grow.

Enjoy the beautiful outdoors today! In just 17 days, we begin Summer 2022. Hard to believe we’ll be celebrating Christmas 2022 in 203 days. And so it goes.

More tomorrow.