Grieving Gardener

How can Halloween be one week away? In the blink of an eye, 2024 is almost gone and the holiday season begins next month. With that comes a mixture of excitement and sadness for many. Holidays can amplify the pain of loss. Careful planning is one way to navigate without getting our tinsel tangled.

2020 was the worst year of my life. Having become a widow after 32 years of marriage, I couldn’t begin to understand the journey I’d take. This much I knew for sure. The holidays would be tough. With a birthday the week before Christmas, the holiday season always overflowed with too many obligations. It would be up to me to carefully select new traditions.

Earlier in life, I often taught until December 23, with no worries about filling the holiday season with extras. Work and family filled my dance card and as the holidays passed, I was a year older. Each year, they came and went without much angst.

In 2014, with a move to Nevada, the holidays took on a different look. Virginia City, Nevada showered me with the first of many snowy Christmas Eves’. With an invitation to the next-door neighbor’s house, we slid down the driveway on new snow and walked the short distance into the next chapter of life. New traditions began that year with several retired couples joining together to make a family. The eight of us brought cheer to a rather quiet neighborhood and for six Christmases, it worked well.

Moving to a new town 17 days after becoming a widow changed everything. I knew two people and by the next Christmas, only one would remain. The holidays would arrive right on time along with feelings of loss, sadness, and loneliness. It was time for a change of focus.

Plan holiday activities before they arrive. Make a list of possible destinations and activities for the day before and the day after. Then, try your best to be a little excited about your choices. Attitude is everything.

Before that first Christmas, I wrote myself a monthly note about all the good things that happened that month. Those eight notes were a great way to recognize growth and accomplishments.

Each month, I shopped for one personal Christmas present for Oliver and me.

Attending a Christmas candlelight service while surrounded by new friends in God’s house, the world didn’t seem quite so dark. After church, I drove around town to see the lights while reflecting on the real reason for the season.

The next day, Miss Firecracker and I were invited to join a friend and his family for dinner. Just like that, we made our first solo Christmas un-lonely. It just took some planning.

While I was making my Christmas plans, HHH went home to his kids. Looking back, it was agreed, that Christmas was like no other. Not one we want to repeat any time soon. The first holiday season in grief is rough. No way around it, you just need to make it through. And, you will.

As the holidays approach, do what you can and leave the rest. It took a few years to go through the old decorations, keeping favorites while shrinking my stash.

The main suggestion is this. Start planning now. If you are not into it this year, plan a trip away. That’s okay, too. No one makes the rules but you. Change things up. Today, start thinking of your favorite celebrations and focus on those. The rest can be put aside for now. Just Do You with as many bells as possible.

More tomorrow.

Well it’s a strange old game you learn it slow
One step forward and it’s back you go
You’re standing on the throttle
You’re standing on the brake
In the groove ’til you make a mistake

You gotta know happy – you gotta know glad
Because you’re gonna know lonely
And you’re gonna know sad
When you’re rippin’ and you’re ridin’
And you’re coming on strong
You start slippin’ and slidin’
And it all goes wrong because

One day you got the glory and then you got none
One day you’re a diamond and then you’re a stone
Everything can change in the blink of an eye
So let the good times roll before we say goodbye

because

Sometimes you’re the windshield
Sometimes you’re the bug
Sometimes it all comes together, Baby
Sometimes you’re just a fool in love
Sometimes you’re the Louisville Slugger
Sometimes you’re the ball
Sometimes it all comes together
Sometimes you’re gonna lose it all _{Written by Mark Knopfler}

Hmmm. I never met Mr. Knopfler or Mary Chapin Carpenter, but their lyrics are relatable. It’d be nice if, just occasionally, life would give us a “heads-up” for the “bug” moments. They sneak right out in front of us when traveling down the highway of life. Splat.

Last week, some church members needed prayer for family members. A son suffered a near-fatal heart attack. A grandson and his young family were broadsided by a semi-truck during a snowstorm. Two young men were not expected to live through the night. With prayers answered, it’s great to report they are both expected to return to their active lives after surgeries, rest, and healing. Prayer. It’s a powerful thing.

On these beautiful fall days, HHH and I are rippin’ and ridin’ and comin’ on strong, while enjoying every bug-free experience here at Winterpast. For now, our windshield is clean and it’s blue-sky days. Praise the Lord.

Whatever you do today, focus on your own bug-free moments. Each day is full of little wins that need celebrating. Find a blend between throttle and brake while you keep moving ahead. Slow and steady wins the race.

The time has come for everyone in our country to take a moment to think. Critical thinking is a lost art, but one we desperately need as the time for voting our conscience has arrived. It’s time to consider important issues from every angle.

In Nevada, voting began on Saturday with polls opening at 10 am. I’d hoped for a repeat of the primary. On that snowy night, the line of voters wrapped around the Senior Center as people stood outside in the cold waiting to cast their votes.

We’re a tiny town of 25,000 souls. Country folks are often conservative, but our town seems equally divided as the rest of the country. We arrived at the polls 30 minutes before opening to get a place in line. Even though we planned carefully, it still took two hours to vote.

Before we’d opened our car doors to stand outside on the crisp autumn morning, a random man started giving a dire warning. It seemed someone had hacked his voting information. He had already contacted the Governor, Sheriff, and the Mayor. For goodness sake, he’d even sent word to the FBI.

Having received voter ID cards in the mail with all the correct information, we weren’t worried. As much as we tried to politely ignore him, he stuck to us like glue. We’d better check. “THEY” were out to get every vote. “THEY” could change our votes, too. We never figured out exactly who “THEY” were.

Moving into line, it was amusing to listen to the chatter around us. Two very large heavy equipment operators at a local pit compared Caterpillar to Komatsu while my attention focused on a city-fied young man with a folding table. Just where did he come from and where was he going? What propaganda did he intend to set up on his black card table taken out of the car with California license plates?

In the middle of hundreds of people, we knew only one. HHH’s Spanish teacher from high school. Now, HHH is 70 (Sorry, HHH, but I must make my point.) His HIGH SCHOOL SPANISH TEACHER came out to vote. Bless her heart. As she bubbled with happiness, she told us she was there to meet a candidate’s wife who would be visiting waiting voters.

By this time, the man with the card table was identified as part of THAT candidate’s team and we sent her in that direction as the clock marched towards 10 am.

About 9:50, a few activists started spewing hate towards Israel over their bull-horn while the candidate’s wife passed out pamphlets about conservative issues. HHH’s Spanish Teacher was lost in the crowd as the clock struck 10.

The doors didn’t magically open as everyone had hoped. Twenty minutes more in the cold, the line finally began inching toward the polls. By the time we left, City Hall’s parking lot was overflowing. The lights of our friendly Sheriff flashed near the activists. Without knowing what happened, we hurried in the opposite direction towards the car.

My biggest hope for our country this year is that all voters are engaged. Carefully consider issues that matter in our lives. Personality, skin color, gender, or financial statues don’t matter. Political promises often prove hollow at the end of the day.

Search your heart. Are you better now than you were four years ago? Has your life improved? How far does your dollar go at the grocery store or gas pump. Study your sample ballot. If you are a person of faith, pray about your vote. Pray about the issues troubling our country.

Don’t wait until the last minute to vote. If possible, vote at your polling place. Be sure to smile at the poll workers and thank them for volunteering for theirs is a thankless job in an angry society.

Whatever you do, Wake Up and Stay That Way. That’s different than “Being Woke. Once awake, things become much clearer.

More tomorrow.

Our interests and commitments continue to multiply as time goes by. Yesterday, we drove an hour to the south to meet our county’s Master Gardener Coordinator. After filling out paperwork and providing fingerprints for screening, we’re on our way to completing this program. We’ll be certified by year’s end.

Master Gardener interns must complete 15 hours of additional instruction AND 35 hours of volunteer hours over the next year. We’ve been selected to teach hydroponic gardening to school-aged children at the local Boys and Girls Club in our town.

Along with the classroom gig, we’ve been asked to become caretakers for the Buckland Station community garden located 30 minutes from Winterpast. There we’ll find more raised gardens needing seedlings to be produced under our careful watch. In early February, the cycle will begin again, as tiny seeds will turn into beautiful flowers and vegetables.

There’s always a lot to do for a team of two active Master Gardeners interns.

Along with those two projects, the brand Healing Hearts comfort group will benefit from gardening. Of this, there is no doubt. There were many hours HHH (Hubba-Hubba-Hubby) and I spent time in our respective yards working the soil. The beauty of life in the garden helps heal the heart.

The kiss of the sun for pardon,
The song of the birds for mirth,
One is nearer God’s Heart in a garden
Than anywhere else on Earth.

Our new friends at the University of Nevada Extension Office also run the 4-H program for the county, servicing 120 children. This took me back to my early days of 4-H meetings, leadership, and animal projects. During my years as a member of 4-H, I learned to cook and sew. I also learned to raise rabbits, chickens, lambs, and Guide Dogs. My love for animals and all things in nature came from this club and I smile every time I see a child dressed in white and pine green.

Strolling through the autumn of life, there are so many ways we can enrich the lives of others. Help someone get through a dark time in life. Teach some littles about hydroponic gardening. Beautify a historical spot where pony express riders would stop for a nice meal and a fresh horse. So many ways to help, and we haven’t even scratched the surface of possiblities.

If the gigs with the children or the historical garden don’t pan out, many more choices await. Bringing gardening to the Senior Center or Assisted Living facility might be fun. With so many options, how on earth did we ever have time for work?

For the next six weeks, we’ll wait for our fingerprints to be processed. Autumn will be a great time to plan.

Whatever you do today, think about ways you can get out of your comfort zone to help. There are hundreds of volunteer opportunities in any town. By getting out and about, your days will brighten. It just works that way!

Have a wonderful weekend. I’ll be back on Monday.

In what seems like a lifetime ago, during a very dark time as a new widow, I never struggled with sleeping. When the sun set, fantastical dreams danced through my head while I slept. Dreaming helped my brain reset.

During one of those evenings, the words “Grieving Gardener” came to me. Waking to the morning sunshine, those words hung in my brain. Just what did the phrase mean? Was I to use the gardens of Winterpast to help other widows and widowers heal? For some time, I thought that was exactly the meaning. I was the original Grieving Gardener.

Then, September 24, 2020 came along and Grievinggardener.com changed everything. God always intended for me to use words to help others, not a shovel or rake. I hope that there are some in this world that have benefited in the smallest way. This insignificant human has spent 54 months sharing random thoughts hoping to help at least one widow.

Another idea was incubating in the back of my brain. Our dusty little town located on a wide spot in the road off an interstate on the high desert plains of Northwestern Nevada lacks a support group for those in grief. Connecting with others in the same situation would’ve been helpful. Quarantined, that wasn’t possible.

In early summer, I mentioned this to our pastor. Why doesn’t our town have a support group? Grief exists in every corner of the world. The widowed need comfort.

As the conversation progressed, he agreed this would be great for our town. Might HHH and I consider facilitating such a group? Could we? Would we?

And so, we sit at the intersection of “We’ve never done such a thing!” and “We have some wonderful gifts to share.”

In the blink of an eye, a flyer nearly jumped out of the computer. December 2, 2024, HHH and I will begin a new adventure. Helping others in need, we’ll continue our personal healing journey.

Trying to think of a name for the group, I found some options on Google. I listed 20 of my favorites hoping HHH might help choose the perfect one. Just like that, tears came. One of the names had meaning that touched his heart deeply. Grief. The journey never ends. We just move through it one step at a time.

Healing Hearts is tedious and time-consuming work. HEALING HEARTS is the perfect name for the new group.

We aren’t counselors. No one has all the answers to make it through the wilderness of grief. We’re just two Senior citizens who’ve lived like everyone else and would like to help others. In doing that, our healing journey will continue.

Whatever you do today, consider how you might help one other person who might be a little worse off than you. There’s nothing better than sharing kindness and love. That can be as simple as smiling at a stranger. You never know how it might change someone’s day. You just might be the one to save a life.

More tomorrow.

There’s nothing better than canine kisses from our best friends. Unable to join us on our trip to a National Park, our fur babies enjoyed puppy camp. The excitement that overtakes them when they hear the name “Michele” is crazy. She’s the camp counselor they so dearly love. We’re lucky to have a safe place to leave them while traveling.

Yesterday was a typical first day back home. Dogs are so much like children. For the first half of the day, they raced around greeting us with happiness at every turn. Around 1 PM, they began to crash into afternoon nap time while HHH and I worked to catch up on gardening.

Today we’re expecting three consecutive freezes with highs in the 50s. Winter is just around the corner, and with that comes many chores. The biggest is turning off the irrigation water system.

When I moved to Winterpast, the water system was a huge mystery. There were the normal leaks that could throw me into tears. More than that, two electronic boxes controlling 8 stations watering twice daily took time and patience to learn. Drip irrigation is wonderful when it’s working and frustrating when it’s not.

These days, working with HHH, the water system is no longer a mystery. Winterizing the irrigation system is a systematic process that makes perfect sense. Turn off the main valve, and drain the system in for winter. In the spring, do the opposite.

The roses are giving us the last show of the season. With each passing day, there are more dying blooms. They’ve had the last feeding for the season and will soon fall into dormancy until spring. This year, we doubled the number of bushes in our yard. Next year will be even better.

Every day, more of the yard art and empty pots are washed and put away for next year. By mid-November, we’ll be ready to dig out the Christmas lighting and begin preparing for the holidays.

If you live in an area with severe winters, remember to empty fountains and store away your pots and tools. Make a list of tools needed for next year. Christmas is just around the corner. Gardening implements and decorations make great gifts. I’m already preparing my list for Santa.

Ollie and Wookie plan to warm themselves in the last of the autumn sunshine. Their coats are growing thicker, even though they wouldn’t know what to do if forced to sleep outside. So spoiled, they are back with their pack and ready to snuggle with us in the autumn chill.

Whatever you do today, take a few minutes to make of list of your autumn chores. Fall cleaning is always a great place to start. Take time to enjoy autumn’s night sky. If you’re lucky, you might just see the comet.

More tomorrow.

Of all the roads both east and west

The one that leads to home is best!

It’s official. One year has passed since HHH and I exchanged wedding vows in a tiny little church on the high desert plains of Northwestern Nevada. The year flew by, packed with lovely adventures and two beautiful trips to Yellowstone National Park.

Yellowstone.

If you haven’t been there, you need to go. If you have, your heart is probably aching to return. (At least it’s that way for us.) It’s one of the most beautiful places in the entire world. In October, that is. At times it seemed we had a private viewing of this majestic place with the first snowfall arriving this week.

While in Yellowstone, we observed wild buffalo, antelope, elk, and mountain sheep from the safety of our car. We saw the elusive Big Horn Sheep, which rested by the side of the road. We even saw a lone wolf in Lamar Valley.

The Grand Canyon of Yellowstone. Stunning. Something found nowhere else in this beautiful world.

Old Faithful didn’t disappoint. On our second visit there, a sister geyser blew up before her.

We walked along the Grand Prismatic and were mystified by the Dragon’s Mouth and it’s stinking steam.

Every day, we picnicked, talked, and laughed as the hours passed, enjoying another beautiful trip during the last days of our honeymoon.

To put a bow on the entire trip we stopped at Yellowstone Bear World, where bear sightings are guaranteed. (71 of them to be exact). There, I bottle-fed five “little” bear cubs each weighing more than the combined weight of Ollie and Wookie. The handlers told us about “their” cub which they’ve mothered for ten months. Everyone behaved well, as difficult as that was for five boisterous little bears and five equally excited tourists.

By yesterday’s sunset, all laundry was finished and suitcases put away until our next adventure. After enjoying a simple dinner, our anniversary melted into a lovely evening of star gazing.

365 days filled with love, God, gardening, and travel have come to an end. We’re on the road through Year 2.

Life.

Love.

Loss.

Grief.

New Life.

With one foot in front of the other, we move towards a beautiful new life. Although you might not see it yet, peace and beauty are right around the bend. Keep moving.

Just a year ago, as two newlyweds, we took off on the adventure of a lifetime. Marriage! Honeymooning in West Yellowstone, we were stunned by more intense beauty than one place should hold. Driving through Nevada, Idaho, Wyoming and Montana, we stopped to see everything time would allow.

As much as we tried, there were many things we missed.

The Grand Canyon of Yellowstone.

Lamar Valley.

The Grand Prismatic.

Of course, we plan to visit Old Faithful again.

We promise we won’t be Tourons…..

We’ll just go with the flow…

We’ll sleep in and enjoy picnics every day while we wait to see the stars of the park….

The days will end as we enjoy the night sky, something very special in a place called Yellowstone.

Upon our return, we’ll begin our second year as husband and wife. Although our year as newlyweds has been the best we could’ve imagined, life has so much more to offer! We can’t wait for the adventures that await us just around the bend.

Next week, I’ll try to sneak in updates if there’s time and internet service. If not, don’t worry. October 15th I’ll return with lots of new stories to share.

Until then…

Adventure to the Land of God.

An attempt to

Dive into something new

Veering off the normal path

Escaping to

New venues that

Tantalize the senses while

Uncovering sights never seen

Renewing the spirit and

Enriching our souls

Yellowstone

It just doesn’t get better than that! Happy Adventures to you!

In widowhood, every chore becomes the responsibility of the one who remains. In my case, car care wasn’t something I’d handled for over 32 years. Someone else knew everything automotive while remaining clueless about the washing machine.

Widowhood and relocation came within weeks of each other for me. About 45 miles away from my new home, 350 boxes waited in storage for retrieval, one load at a time. My first goal was to empty the storage unit in 30 days. Each day, I’d drive on the loneliest highway in the United States, crying a good portion of the trip. I’d load up and drive back home to unpack 20-24 boxes. I never gave the Dodge Ram a thought. Get in. Drive. Load. Drive. Unpack. Period.

After about two weeks of this daily process, I happened to look down when I got out of the truck. To my utter dismay, I saw BALD tires. Not tires with low tread. There was almost NO tread. I’d been driving 90 miles each day on a lonely desert road. Thank goodness there were angels watching over me.

If you aren’t certain about the life left in your tires, do this. Take a penny and put it between the treads. If the top of Lincoln’s head is covered, you have enough tread. If you can see the top of his head, it’s time to have your tires checked out.

Take a good look at the tires. If you have a tire gauge, check the pressure. As fall temperatures drop, so will the pressure in your tires. A small air compressor is a handy thing to have on hand. You can also drop by any tire shop filled with employees happy to help out.

Rotate the tires on the prescribed schedule. Replace tires and brakes when it’s time. Don’t wait until it’s more convenient or affordable. Tires and brakes are critical and can’t be ignored. The problem will only get worse.

With Google at your side, car care ceases to be a mystery. I wouldn’t advise tackling jacks and oil changes if you’re not fluent with wrenches and the workings of an engine. But, there are many things you should be doing at the change of each season.

Inspect the entire exterior of the car, checking for new dings or things that might be ready to fall off. Autumn is a perfect time for deep cleaning of the seats, floorboards, windows, and the mirror. Clean everything.

Test your blinkers, headlights, and brake lights. (This may require the help of a neighbor when testing the brake lights).

Wiper blades last for two seasons, at best. Google is a great place to learn how to change them. Be prepared for sticker shock. They are expensive. Sometimes, the associate will help you do the install. If not, just watch the videos on Google and proceed. Again, not a hard job.

Look under the hood.

When I first did this, I couldn’t get the hood open. There’s nothing more frustrating than searching for the final hidden latch. YouTube is your friend with videos on how to open your hood and check fluids. Remember, one size doesn’t fit all. Know your vehicle’s Year, Make, and Model before beginning.

Perform maintenance at the prescribed times. Don’t ignore the messages from your car. Many auto parts stores will check a code to tell you their meaning for free. Know before you go to a mechanic. Knowledge is key to survival in a man’s world.

If you like shopping for great deals, automotive supplies and services are no different. Walmart and Amazon offer great savings on everything from cleaners to tires. Do your homework because a great discount can save you hundreds. Find your own good deals.

Finally, remember cold weather supplies. Living in a remote area, there are many times an accident can leave motorists stranded while the road is cleared. It’s good to carry snacks, water, a blanket, gloves, and a small repair kit. Being stuck in winter traffic isn’t a joke.

Car Care. It isn’t every person’s dream. Rather than ignoring the entire situation, just deal with it. Research problems, learn as much as you can, and handle it. Knowing your car will give you peace of mind.

More tomorrow.

Here at Winterpast, we’ve scheduled weekly activities. Earlier in the summer, HHH decided to golf with the Senior men once a week. That’s opened up the day for all things domestic. Such things as weekly hot tub water care, houseplant inspections, and trash consolidation are on the list. This week, I added some reverse shopping.

The name “reverse shopping” was something I came up with a very long time ago. It sounds more fun than “returns” or “errands”. It’s easy to ignore unneeded items around the house until it’s too late. I wasn’t making that mistake this week. I had a few things that had to go back to their right owners while receiving refunds.

Last weekend, we decided the ground squirrel that’s been burrowing in our yard needed to go. We’ve given him plenty of chances to move along and he hasn’t taken the hint. Once at Lowe’s, we found two options. Make him uncomfortable or make him dead. Ground squirrels are not to be encouraged, full of disease and fleas. They can destroy a yard in very short time with destructive tunnels.

The first option was the kindest. It was a solar device that claimed to emit some type of vibrational sound that rodents detest. I’d heard these devices work well for mice would rather not have squirrel blood on my hands. We bought one.

Along with the sound device, we bought poisonous bait. Finally, the rodent specialist suggested one very big neck-snapping rat trap. We took our purchases home and deployed the bait and trap. Since then, it’s been all quiet in the gardens of Winterpast. I’ll just choose to believe he decided the next door neighbor had a nicer place.

With the Squirrel-Be-Gone device and receipt in hand, I hurried off to Lowe’s for my first return. Weaving in and out of early morning traffic, by the time I got to Lowe’s, I was a little distracted. A black Suburban was also in a huge hurry as it zipped in next to me. It seemed the driver was in a bigger hurry than me.

Grabbing my returns, we exited our cars at the same time.

“Well, Good Morning! Isn’t it a gorgeous day?” I asked in a cheerful voice with smile shining.

Not meaning to startle her, I did. After giving a surprised giggle, she said, “Well, it certainly is!” Caught off guard, it did both of us good to smile and acknowledge the beautiful fall morning and each other.

A simple “Hello” changed the outlook of two busy women stopping for a moment to smile.

A cheerful heart is good medicine;

But a broken spirit drieth up the bones. _{Proverbs 17:22}

I’m not interested in having my bones drieth up any time soon. I can’t wait for the next time someone smiles because of a happy “Good Morning”. These days everyone needs to share smiles in a world that needs some HAPPINESS.

Whatever you do today, try it. Find some unsuspecting person and say “Good Morning” while smiling at them. Tell a stranger they look nice, (if they do). Smile at another driver. Just try to share some happiness and you’ll feel a little better yourself.

More tomorrow.