Grieving Gardener

Many agree 2020 was the worst year in their lives. The Covid quarantine harmed so many. It mattered not the age, from grandparents longing to see their loved ones to those dying alone in hospitals, grief blanketed the world. It was in that year that HHH and I became widowed.

During that horrible year, it wasn’t possible to receive comforting care and love from friends and neighbors. Those living away couldn’t easily book flights without the worry that they might contract Covid on their travels. Neighbors watched each other to make sure no one had more than six people in a gathering. Churches shuttered. All this under the watchful eye of the all-knowing government that blew this terribly.

Then, to add to the misery, funeral homes and churches were closed to funerals and memorials. While I resorted to using the gardens of Winterpast to memorialize my husband, HHH waited six months after his death to honor his wife.

To add insult to injury, seventeen days after my loss, I bought and sold a house. Little did I know that when I moved in, there was a gentleman living across town that I’d marry someday. My thoughts of someday were distant, dark, and lonely. During that year, I wasn’t’ sure there would be a “happy someday” for me.

Six miles away from Winterpast’s door, HHH’s grieved with one small difference. He’d lived in our town since he was five and it was already his home. A huge family was there to offer support during the black days he needed them the most.

During those days, we both needed the support of people who understood, like those journeying through the wilderness of grief. Those much-needed groups didn’t exist.

A few months ago, I asked our pastor a question. Why didn’t our town have a support group for those in grief?

To this, he suggested that HHH and I could start one if we felt called to do so.

And so, a new chapter has opened. Yesterday, we held our first meeting. Our group will meet for 15 weeks, ending in early March. During that time, we’ll learn about the stages of grief, changes that occur after a death, and ways to cope with daily problems with God’s help.

After much thought and planning, the afternoon was a success. Everyone enjoyed snacks and coffee while sharing their stories of loss and healing. It’s good to know these friends don’t need to endure the darkness of grief alone. No one should grieve alone.

Whatever you do today, if grief has you down, don’t wait. Find a support group to help you on your journey. Although everyone grieves in their own special way, the comfort of others on their own journeys can be a huge help.

More tomorrow.

There was a time when the malls of America were stunning at Christmas time. The perfect place to meet up with friends, it was exciting to go with a list and spend the day searching for just the right gift. Sometimes, the right gift didn’t make it on the list, but when you saw it, you knew. Well, the times they are a-changin”.

Many other traditions aren’t honored anymore. Beloved Christmas hymns are missing from many Sunday services, replaced by more popular selections. Even in our small town, christmas caroling seems to be a thing of the past. How sad to lose such beautiful songs tying us to even more beautiful memories of long ago.

Black Friday used to be on the Friday after Thanksgiving. On that very day, husbands were in a turkey coma while kids were running amuck. It was the perfect day to get away with friends and shop for the first bargains of the season. It was always on Friday, not the entire month before Thanksgiving. Hence the name black FRIDAY!!!!! Perhaps they should consider changing the name to Black November.

Today, we celebrate Cyber Monday. Rather than braving the cold, snow, and ice to shop, we can sip our piping-hot coffee while putting things in our cyber-baskets. In a few days time, boxes will arrive full of secret gifts. Just be sure you open the right boxes!!

There are some things to remember if you plan to do your shopping this way.

Make a list and stick to it. When ordering online, I suffer amnesia about the presents I’ve already purchased. If you have a budget and list, you’ll be happier in January.

Be careful and shop from trusted websites. On Amazon, many products are sold through “The Marketplace”. This isn’t our trusted Amazon, but 3rd-party sellers. The other day, I purchased a book on writing. When it came, it was quite old, dusty, and used. The worst thing about Marketplace is that these sellers make it nearly impossible to return goods. Avoiding Marketplace sellers is a wise idea in my experience.

If you can, try to shop local. Little Mom and Pop shops have such a hard time making ends meet in this economy. They need to forecast what products will sell, order them in the summer and hope for the best. The local owners are often the same people that work the check-out, stock the shelves, and keep the books. They are neighbors and friends. So, think about going out and buying things from local shops.

Remember to use the credit card with the best points or cash bonus returns. After a busy Christmas season, those benefits add up, so don’t forget about them.

Finally, monitor your card on a daily basis. Although this can be a pain, finding suspicious activity early is key in keeping your account safe from fraud. Choose a time of the day that works for you. If you’re not sure how to check your account online, find out.

Whatever you do today, it’s time to start your gift lists. If you are thinking about sending cards, pour yourself a cup of hot cocoa and get with it. Take some time and listen to some old Christmas hymns. You just might be surprised that you still know every word.

More tomorrow.

After a wonderful day with family and friends, HHH and I are ready to decorate for the holidays. The neighborhood outdoor lighting competition started last week. The men in our neighborhood have one thing in common. They LOVE outdoor Christmas lights and are going to make sure they have the BEST display on the block.

Just a year ago, HHH and I were the newlyweds on the block. It all started with the very first strand of lights placed on the eaves of Winterpast. The Marine across the street went for the bait and placed computerized lighting on his house. The contest was ON.

The lighted deer arrived two days before Christmas, completing our display. With a forest of lighted trees, snow men, deer, lighted dogs, and lights on top of more lights, our neighborhood never looked better. This year, I’m sure it will be even better while more homeowners are already getting out the ladders and lights.

I handle the interior decorations avoiding ladders and the cold. For the last ten years, Lowe’s has offered small poinsettias for $1.50 each. Cute and compact, the poinsettias can be grouped to create larger arrangements. It’s become one tradition I love. At 6 am, we’re off to Lowe’s to purchase the colorful plants which last throughout the season.

Those of you who celebrate a December birthday might understand. I love decorating early. I’m usually decorated for Christmas by Thanksgiving because I’d rather not overshadow my birthday with Christmas chores. Decorating is a big job. Any possible birthday excitement (of which I have next to zero anyway) will be spent if I wait. Decorations are up by December 1.

As the years have flown by, I’m less attached to decorations or the need to have every inch of Winterpast covered in red and green. My December birthday is insignificant when compared to something much more important. The REASON for the SEASON. The birth of Jesus.

Whatever you do this weekend, take some time to reflect on past holidays and the things that brought you happiness. Pick out things that make you smile and incorporate them into a wonderful new season. Try a new recipe. Make some cookies for a friend. Stay busy. Keep Calm and Carry on!

More on Monday.

Happy Thanksgiving 2024! I’m so thankful for HHH, friends and family, and life on the high plains of Northwestern Nevada. Since 2020, life has changed into something new and wonderful. Even though that’s true, I can’t help reflecting back on Thanksgiving 2020 and the first major holiday as a widow.

Enjoy……..

Happy Thanksgiving. This was penned last night. Tell those you cherish how much they mean to you. Enjoy………

I’ve had the most wonderful day. It started with my Ninja Neighbor needing ice for her brine-soaking turkey. Quickly filling a bowl, I hurried to her door, where her brilliant smile welcomed me. Her home, festively decorated, was as inviting as her giggles while we talked. Time stops when we visit, even though she is one of the busiest people I know. As we stood at her counter, I talked to her about womanly things that are best left between friends. Even though I am twenty years her senior, in some ways, our roles were reversed, with her knowledge so much more worldly than mine. I am grateful that when the moving van arrived, it was next to her that I unpacked. This loveliest of neighbors is friendly, funny, and wise. I love her.

Some days I am shocked at my ridiculous insecurities. The smallest details can put me in a tailspin, sometimes difficult to right. Having been brought up with feminine ideals founded way before the 1970’s when I was a teenager, wires are crossed with old-fashioned thought that was outdated before I set out on my own. Now, fully capable of fielding any problem in this new solitary life of a Senior Citizen, many decisions are still fraught with hours of personal deliberation. Debating one’s self is exhausting because whichever side is chosen, the losing side is right there complaining, as well.

I am grateful for the patience I’ve found dealing with emotions in my sweet new relationship. I appreciate, even more so, rationale thoughts about the “shoulds” and “shouldn’ts” with which I sometimes flog myself. Remaining neutral and accepting of each new day has helped me to stay in the present and enjoy every minute. I am thankful for a peaceful heart.

As Oliver sleeps next to me, I’m thankful HE is my dog, sweet and smart. He puts up with my moods and nonsense, while knowing my sense of humor and what will make me perk up a bit. He loves me most sincerely, making sure I get plenty of hugs, as he presses his little body against mine. He listens to my requests and really tries his best to comply, except when garden lights or drip systems are involved, which results in doggie shame. His adorable little soul came to me on a bleak Christmas morning, when I had the ridiculous notion I might find him unsuitable, sending him back home. He was mine from the first hug; the silly puppy he remains.

My kids are slowly checking in with holiday wishes. How blessed I am that they were the ones to be placed in my care. Each one beautiful and sincere. I am so very thankful for their love and worry for me, their mom living so far away. It’s amazing to watch them reflect the parts of their dad and step dad that I miss this holiday, for the very first time. Miles can’t erase sweet memories. I am thankful for their love and concern.

I am thankful for Miss Firecracker, and her wit and wisdom. Today, she will be my dinner guest, as we share turkey and all the trimmings. Although both new widows, our luncheon will be defined by delicious smells and tastes, as we find lots to talk about this holiday. Dear friend that she is, she is such a blessing to me.

I am most Thankful for the woman I am becoming with the sunrise of every new day. I am thankful for every stranger that stepped up this year to hold my hand, or give me a hug when things were at their darkest. I am so thankful for my ability to forge my own path, although blurred through tears at time. I am so very thankful for the day in February when VST and I decided WINTERPAST was to be ours, and ultimately, mine.

I am thankful for the years of being a Wife to my lovable VST. I am thankful for all I have learned as I was forced into the position of Widow, which was not of my choosing. I am thankful for my present role as Woman, with many more experiences just around the bend. This is the best of times for us all to be thankful. Blessings do abound, we just need to stop and count them. Giving Thanks on this Thanksgiving Eve has set my brain in the right mode to find sleep and sweet dreams.

For you, my readers, please have a wonderful Thanksgiving Day. For my International readers, a day of thanks always lifts the spirit. Thank you for following my blog and helping my dreams become a reality.

Holidays. Everyone smiling while eating and drinking way too much. Families traveling long distances to get a hug. Love. Hope. Happiness. Togetherness. That’s the All-American ideal. How lovely it would be if everyone in the world could experience a perfect holiday just once. The reality is that there is no such thing as a perfect holiday or a perfect anything else for that matter. This is especially true when grief is one’s constant companion.

My first widowed holiday was not explainable to anyone else. The firsts are as unique as snowflakes. Each one has its own shape and beauty. It’s up to each individual to make the firsts liveable. That’s a tall order.

In December 2020, I was one lost soul. It had been nine months since becoming a widow and I’d managed to settle into a new home with one little dog. The newness of everything left me in a fog most days, while the slightest bump in the road could send me into tizzy.

Those early days, sleep was my only comfort. I prayed for angels to surround me each evening as the sun set, and then, I was out like a light. It mattered not that the clock said 5:30 pm. Suffering such a shock, my brain needed time to heal. Sleep cloaked the intense pain that comes with losing a husband.

That first Christmas, it wasn’t necessary to drag out all the decorations. I had no family that would be joining me for the big dinner I wouldn’t be preparing. All the decorations I’d used for years belonged to the bigger home in which I no longer lived. The thought of finding new spots for red and green was too overwhelming. That year, I chose to decorate with little poinsettias. That was the best I could do.

While preparing for this major milestone, each month I’d ordered a Christmas gift for myself. When they arrived, I’d wrap the unopened packages with monthly notes to myself. On Christmas Eve, I opened each one and read words reflecting a slow and steady healing. Oliver and I made it through that first holiday with the help of my one true friend, Miss Firecracker. It was her first Christmas alone, as well. Together, we made it through.

As you begin the holiday season, evaluate your traditions. Keep the ones that comfort you and ignore the ones that don’t. If you need company, invite people. If you need solitude, close the curtains and take a break. Only you know what will feel right.

During the sadness of that first year, one thing I could count on for comfort was my written words. If you want to know more about my first year as a widow, look back at my archives starting September, 2020. Firsts are messy. Firsts are tear-filled baskets of emotions. Just remember, they only happen once and that is a true blessing.

Whatever you do today, get out a calendar and start planning how you will survive December. Look for events that will provide comfort. It’s okay to boycott the holidays if they are too painful. Only you will know what feels just right. Personally, I’ve discoverd hot chocolate makes everything so much better.

More tomorrow.

Some days the news is great while some days the news can be quite sad. It’s with a heavy heart I must report that our colony of Saskatraz bees has died. We didn’t want to believe it was happening even though all the signs were there. In the end, they went without a whisper and we’re left with an empty hive.

In the beginning, they made the early spring trip over Donner Pass in the back of a pickup. They came as a nucleus colony (NUC) in a box holding five frames of eggs, larvae, and adults along with their queen. As they settled into their new neighborhood, everything looked swell. The queen, able to lay over 2 million eggs in her lifetime, was busy caring for her brood.

Neighbors and friends were quite supportive during our first year as beekeepers. We found new friends that went out of their way to give us helpful advice. Miss Queen of the Bees came over twice to treat our hive for mites. All the while, our bees never quite caught on to a good routine, becoming a bit confused about comb construction and brood distribution. As the days went by, the queen kept laying eggs.

Everything seemed great. The bees helped us enjoy bumper crops of cherries, apricots, apples, and plums. They loved our garden plants and we loved watching them.

Usually very calm and sweet, they did let us know when we crossed the line. HHH suffered over one dozen bee stings, being very lucky that he didn’t end up in the hospital. But through everything, the bees were wonderful neighbors who enjoyed a home in our backyard until they died.

In our area, we aren’t alone. Their death was not due to anything we did as beekeepers. I accept this as truth because many other “real” beekeepers suffered as we did. There was one big difference. We lost one colony. The “real” keepers lost hundreds.

In August, we learned 60 beekeepers lost over 600 hives for no obvious reason. These hives were placed all over Northwestern Nevada, some even living at Lake Tahoe. These were professionals whose hives failed this year. Miss Queen of the Beekeepers and her partner lost more than 30.

Before leaving on vacation, we noticed that the hive was under attack from hornets. A healthy hive will protect itself, fighting to the death. Just the sight of happy hornets stealing honey let us know the writing was on the wall. Our hive was on the verge of death.

Yesterday, I opened the hive without wearing my bee suit. It wasn’t necessary. Everyone was gone. Inside, winter honey had been neatly stored to get them through a hard winter. Starvation wasn’t the reason for their death. With no bee bodies present, it wasn’t a sudden poisoning either. And so, the mystery remains.

Many people have suggested reasons, but no one has come up with an answer. There are changes in both climate and the earth’s magnetic field. Plants bloomed at different times last year. A very early and long spring was followed by a cold snap. The fall was also very long. Some research is being done regarding the hours of cold weather a bee colony needs to survive. But, at this point, the mystery remains.

If you’ve ever thought about beekeeping as a hobby, do consider it. Although it IS one hobby that can KILL you, it’s also a hobby that helps the environment and garden health. For HHH and I, it’s something we plan to continue next year with a new queen and court.

More tomorrow.

So many stories to tell after a whirlwind Autumn of travel!! With our suitcases unpacked for the last time in 2024, it’s time to reflect on all we’ve seen. From the desert to the mountains to the sea, we’ve been immersed in the wonders of our beautiful world. What a fun time we’ve had.

First of all, after one year of marriage, I’ve discovered HHH (Hubba-Hubba-Hubby) is the best travel partner possible. If you need a guy that can locate a Yellowstone wolf in the wild, he’s the one. If you need a bodyguard on crowded Las Vegas Boulevard, Mr. Marvelous Marine has you covered. Even if you need an escort for formal night under the stars, HHH is right there, smooth as silk with blue eyes sparkling under his best Fedora. The perfect travel companion. It’s wonderful that he just happens to be my husband!

During our travels, we’ve managed to squeeze in some wild living while being surrounded by wildlife. We’ve seen bears, wolves, bald and golden eagles, owls, and plenty of ravens. We were entertained by wild sea and river otters. The bison and elk were fabulous. There were seal lions, dolphins, and one lonely sea turtle. Frigate birds, albatross, and seagulls. We were lucky to spot a mother whale and her calf working their way down the California Coast towards the warm waters of the Gulf of Mexico.

Did you know that as the sun slips below the horizon on the Pacific a green flash occurs. If you didn’t know, you’d miss it. The conditions need to be just right and one needs to be very careful not to look too early. Knowing all of this, we managed to witness the flash once over the ten days afloat.

Through almost 12 weeks of vacationing, HHH never spoke a cross word to anyone. My Marvelous Marine pointed out the humor when things got a little trying, as they do when a husband and wife travel long distances.

In September, we first traveled to the Land of Man visiting Las Vegas. Then, we drove days to the Land of God, Yellowstone National Park. There is not another spot I’ve seen that can hold a candle to Yellowstone. If you’ve not been, put the trip on your bucket list. There are Yellowstone cams that keep me connected until our return. The only thing those two destinations have in common is that we visited them in the Fall of 2024.

Two weeks ago, HHH and I boarded the Majestic Princess and sailed out of Los Angeles harbor to visit the Mexican Riviera. Cruising is luxurious. There were no worries about what to eat or drink. You want entertainment??? It was there at the theater. Heck, the boat even had a casino for some added fun. Time at sea stops for us and we can’t wait for our next cruise, which will be sooner than later.

Even after being surrounded by majestic mountains and beautiful star-filled nights on the high seas, one fact remains. No place is better than our very own Winterpast. It was good to get back home and settle into our comfy clothes. Winter weather has arrived with Thanksgiving just a few days away.

Traveling is a great way to learn about your mate. From cruising to driving, I’ve learned I’m one very lucky woman to have found just the right guy for me.

Whatever you do today, consider a getaway. We’ve learned cruise lines make accommodations for people of any age in any physical condition. We saw guests in their 90’s having the time of their lives. The crisp ocean air helped inspire new thoughts and dreams. If nothing else, watch a few episodes of “The Love Boat” on YouTube. Happy Sailing!

More tomorrow.

It’s happened.

I’ve been kidnapped and taken to a land far away.

HHH and I are working on a plan to bargain for my release. Negotiations are complicated and these things take a little time. My kidnapper’s are taking excellent care of me so please don’t involve law enforcement.

I’ll be back November 25th with stories to share.

Until then, please enjoy daily posts from over the years.

Keep Calm and Carry On!!!

Joy

‘Way out in the land of the setting sun,
Where the wind blows wild and free,
There’s a lovely spot, just the only one
That means home sweet home to me.
If you follow the old Kit Carson trail,
Until desert meets the hills,
Oh, you certainly will agree with me,
It’s the place of a thousand thrills.

Whenever the sun at the close of the day,
Colors all the western sky,
Oh my heart returns to the desert grey
And the mountains tow’ring high.
Where the moonbeams play in shadowed glen,
With the spotted fawn and doe,
All the live-long night until morning light,
Is the loveliest place I know.

Home, means Nevada, Home, means the hills,
Home, means the sage and the pines.
Out by the Truckee’s silvery rills,
Out where the sun always shines.
There is the land that I love the best,
Fairer than all I can see,
Deep in the heart of the golden west
Home, means Nevada to me.

Happy Nevada (Nev-AH’-duh) Day, celebrated every year on the last Friday in October. This year’s celebration is especially nice because it didn’t fall on Halloween. Some years they’re on the same day.

This state holiday commemorates Nevada’s admission to the union on October 31, 1864. The first known observance of Nevada Day (originally known as Admission Day) was by the Pacific Coast Pioneer Society during the 1870s. It became a state holiday in 1933. In 2000, for another three-day weekend, the observance was changed to the last Friday in October.

While others are celebrating, HHH and I will be preparing for the rare opportunity to host a guest! HHH is planning wonderful meals, while I’m thinking of ways to entertain our friend. Even though it’s not even Halloween, the guest room is decorated for Christmas. After all, we don’t get many guests out here on the high desert plains of Northwestern Nevada.

Around here, the mornings remain dark far too long. The crab apple tree is now dropping orangey-gold leaves. As the roses continue to bloom, their days are numbered for killing frosts have started. Autumn is giving us another show on the desert.

Whatever you do this weekend, celebrate something. Think about your own holiday preparations. Prepare for Trick-or-Treat-ers and test the candy for yourself. Stay up late and sleep in. After all, weekends are a time for pampering. Have a good one!

I’ll be back Monday!!

Oliver-

“Sometimes humans are confusing. If they only took better care of themselves, their lives would be less stressful, Wookie.”

Wookie-

“Yes, Oliver. Life’s difficulties would be easier to navigate. They could face life with courage while being content and connected. Mom-Oh should feature us on her blog more often, because we know some stuff.”

Oliver-

“Wookie, I like the way your paws are crossed. You sure look professional ike you know something important. My legs are too short for crossing.”

Wookie–

“Sorry about your legs, Oliver.”

People should be more kind to one another. Our mom and dad are really nice to us. We never need to sleep out in the cold or go without dinner. We get lots of cuddles at night. You sleep in you crate, while I like sleeping on their bed. They know this and are considerate of our feelings. People should be as kind to each other as they are to their pets.

Oliver–

If they would only live in the moment, like we do. We don’t get excited for dinner until its dinner time, enjoying our minutes as they come. We remember to breathe deeply and take naps when we need them.

Wookie —

And when we get in trouble, we try to distract them with smiles and tail ways. When people are distracted by something cute or funny, they seem to forget troubles or sadness. That’s why I learned to smile at Dad when he used to be sad. It brightened his day right up. Your tail wags make Mom-Oh smile. I’ve seen it.

Oliver–

Humans are just that. Sometimes they think they’re perfect. But no one is that. I wish they’d forget about trying so hard and just relax a little bit. It would be better for our pack.

Wookie —

Mom-Oh and Dad have done a good job choosing friends. It’s fun when nice people come for dinner. Oliver, don’t tell them, but sometimes the nice people drop food and I find it really fast. I love when that happens.

Oliver–

You, too? Wookie, I love when food is dropped. Sometimes, the nice people even sneak me a snack. Shhhh. We can’t tell.

Wookie–

I hope Mom-oh and Dad keep watching their health. They love being out in the sunshine while they garden. It makes them so happy to grow good food to eat. Oliver, try not to eat all the cucumbers next year. Mom gets stressed out and stress is a killer.

Oliver–

Okay, Wookie. Next year I’ll try to be better. Did you know Mom didn’t garden as much before we became a pack? Dad has helped her smile more. It’s good for humans to smile. You have such a great smile, Wookie. I wish I knew how.

Wookie–

It seems that journaling helps humans sort our their thoughts. Mom spends hours in front of the computer typing away. It looks like so much fun, I’d try it, but…

Oliver–

I know, Wookie…. I know…………

Oliver and Wookie——-

NO THUMBS.

That’s our advice for the day. We are two happy dogs that love being part of the Winterpast Pack. Remember — Spay, Neuter, and Adopt if you can!!!!

Dogs Rule!!

More tomorrow.