Grieving Gardener

The 101st thing on my long list of “Do Not Forget”-s involves automobile care. I must admit, I fall short in this category. To begin with, the rules keep changing. Long ago, the distance between oil changes was around 3,500 miles. I remember this, but never needed to open the hood. During those early days, my dad took care of every car need, even keeping my windshield sparkling clean. As any young coed in my neighborhood, we all knew how to drive hard and fast, but car care was a little beneath our little patent leathers. Now, with certain oils, it is 7,500 miles between oil changes. We all need to keep up with the specifics of our individual rides.

In my teen years, I did learn that there is oil in a car and knew it needed to be changed regularly. I knew the tires needed air in them. Beyond that, car stuff was never something I studied or cared about. Shame on me, because through my life, someone else has always worried about that stuff for me. Blessed with helpful angels in this area I’ve been. But, a self sufficient desert gal needs to know her automotive needs to be sure things run smoothly.

Speaking about oil filters and oil, one should be familar with the owner’s manual, if you have one. Yours might be online. Under specifications, there is a section on lubricants and the types needed for your vehicle. The needs of your car can depend on the climate in your area. The oil needed in the Central Valley of California might be different that that needed in the dead of winter in Viriginia City, Nevada. It’s important that you don’t scrimp on the quality lubricants, or you might pay a high price later. As your car ages, request the best oils you can buy. In my case, the truck takes synthetic oil. It’s all new information which I am noting as I jot down the mileage at which the service is done.

Be aware that many quick-y oil change businesses may use very cheap oils and filters. Damage may result to your car if the drain plug is not put back on correctly, or worse, stripped. The old saying, “You Get What You Pay For” applies to auto maintenance shops. Be sure that you find a reputable mechanic you can trust. Worth their weight in gold.

If your automotive specialist has your car in the shop, request a tire and brake inspection. Tires should be rotated every 5,000 miles. Don’t forget an occasional alignment. By caring for the tires, you can get extra miles out of a very expensive purchase. Be sure to inquire about the proper amount of air the tire holds and keep them properly inflated. Remember that they need to be checked once in awhile, especially when the temperatures change with the season.

If you live in a rainy area, don’t forget to replace your wipers when they start wear out. New wipers are pricey these days, so shop around. Automotive supply stores carry them and can help you find the right lengths for your vehicle.

Check out your air filter and see if you need to replace it. In the high desert and constant winds, air filters are replaced more frequently than in coastal areas that don’t have much dust. Keep an eye on them. Don’t forget to find out if your car has a cabin filter. They can be overlooked, causing damage.

Chips in your windshield? If you have glass insurance with your automobile policy, they are often repaired for free. If you need a new windshield, try your best to get a brand name replacement rather than a cheap imitation. Today’s windshields often have integrated systems within them. Be sure that you inquire as to the type of windshield that will be replacing your original. My Jeep is due for a new one, having been damaged in a sand storm and badly pitted. On my every expanding “To Do” list.

So, check that car twice. You can never be too careful. The Jeep is running well now, with all recall parts installed the correct way, fluids changed, filters new and shiny, and new tires in alignment. Time to find some great, public BLM roads (the real one, meaning Bureau of Land Management) to travel down. With my Jeep being “Trail-Rated” the spring is just the time to try out some 4-wheel’in.

Don’t forget the wash and wax!! The weather is fine. Get the hose and get busy!!!!

Good Morning! My day always begins with coffee, a mini journal entry, and an hour spent blogging at the computer. When I look back at the growing number of posts, it makes my heart smile. I am a REAL writer. Plain and simple.

The journey to 300 reads a day has been a slow one requiring patience. In the beginning, I was happy if I had one reader. Now, reaching for 400 reads a day, I find new purpose in my writing. Embracing my humble beginnings, I celebrate my slow and steady growth.

I’m not a psychologist, although I was married to one. I’m not a philosopher or a counselor. I have no hidden agenda, other than the desire to have a book for sale later this year. That personal quest hasn’t been hidden from anyone. I learned my grammar, punctuation, and literary rules in the mid-1900’s and everyone knows those parameters change over the years. I choose to use the rules I grew up with, including proper pronouns of the day.

I’m just a widow who lost her husband in the year of Covid. Not BECAUSE of Covid, but under the cloaked quarantine of Covid. It seems deaths from any other disease didn’t occur in the last 13 months. 2020 Widows and Widowers know differently. VST was just one of such deaths. Cancer continues to take our loved ones every day. My loss is no more or less significant than anyone else’s. Writing helped me to heal. It seemed to help some others along the way, too.

I write in three places. All day long, making short entries in my personal journal, it’s a safe place for me to write about anything and everything. Ranting and Raving in long hand, somedays may be a little sloppy. The key is, every day there is something. I started recording my readership numbers while tracking the daily changes. This is a nice place to reflect on blog growth, even if it’s slower than I might like.

Poetry is recorded in a separate place, being a poet from a very young age. Many very old pieces speak beautifully to a young teenage (ME) who lost her first love to an unexpected heart attack, a 25 year old mom with two babies she adored, or the battered and broken divorcee, picking up the pieces and moving on. My heart written on “real time” pages, splattered with a touch of coffee or tears. The third place is, of course, here.

When I started writing the blog, self discovery was essential. First, I needed to find my time of peak creativity. In my perfect world, that is 3 AM, but, even I can’t get myself out of my warm, comfy bed at that time of day. By 5 AM, I’m up and carrying out a few necessary tasks before I get to the keyboard with a cup of coffee. By 7 AM, I’m done and on with my life here at Winterpast. In the beginning, it was every single day, without fail. Now, I try to write a few posts ahead, just in case I might choose not to rise at 5 AM to create something new. My point here is this. Find YOUR time of peak creativity, and write something EVERY day. Even if it’s just a few words. Try different settings and times to find those that enhance your creative spirit, and then, sit down and write.

I’ve often wondered if my posting time mattered. Then I missed a couple of days and found out. People who read daily wonder where the heck I am if I miss a day. Writing is a wonderful habit I’ve embraced. Like deep breathing, it brings peace and perspective into my life. It releases tears when they need to flow, and empties abscesses that have formed in unhealed pockets of bitterness. It reminds me that the present is the life I’ve created, walking the path of my past. I can fight this truth, or accept it wholeheartedly and find great things to love about it. Writing paints a current, literary picture of me, displaying the person I’m becoming.

Finding Bluehost and Word Press was my first step. Finding a template I liked was the second. After working for an afternoon, the new template-ized screen was staring back at me with the words “Add Post”. I began at “The Beginning”. The programs I use are like a maze. It’s necessary to look at the free options you have at your fingertips and start learning about them. There’s no reason to spend money if you know how to look up information on Google and YouTube. If you choose to spend a little, the options become more wonderful.

When starting, I didn’t know what an IP address was. Internet Protocol Address. That’s an ID number that is registered every time someone reads my blog. Some readers hide their identity, and their address is in code. But, many people don’t. These numbers are just a that. A string of numbers, representing a town in a region in a country in the world. I started to look them up and record their locations. It’s most fun to realize someone in Sri Lanka read what I had to say. Or someone in Brazil. My mind questions whether they were on the beach when they read, or maybe in a town under the beautiful statue of Jesus. I review the numbers every day, and now, my consistent reader’s numbers are like reading their names. I look to make sure Y’all are up and okay, just like you check in on my blog. No worries, I can’t see names. Just numbers representing towns.

Getting my blog routine established was the most important part of the experience for me. It provided a purposeful reason to get out of bed. Now, I think of the next step. When will it be enough that I can introduce myself to others by saying, “Hi there, I write for a living. I’m a REAL writer”? On which hill will I plant my own flag stating “I HAVE ARRIVED.”? Not being sure, I do know one thing. I’m not where I want to be yet.

Information on Google and the Internet are plentiful. Your blog should reflect you. If you are lucky enough to throw money at your project, you can design your own template with personal pictures and individualized fonts. For me, it’s about having a cheap place to practice my craft every day. So, this works.

If you have more questions, you can always email me. I love hearing from fans. It’s time for breakfast and the beginning of another beautiful spring day! Happy Writing!

Mother’s Day! What a sweet time to remember our Mom’s, Grandmother’s, Great-Grandmothers, God-Mothers, Aunts, Mother-In-Law’s, or any other women significant in our lives. A beautiful day to let those women know they are cherished and loved, while reflecting on those that have gone before us. A day of love.

On this special day, I am so blessed to have my God Mother, TJ in my life. In the big scheme of things, my parents got it right when they chose HER to watch over ME, because WE are two peas in a pod. Both being Sagittarians, we clicked from the get go. TJ had the most fun house. She was the most fun visitor to OUR house. The day cheered up immensely when she would drop by for coffee and a chat with my parents.

TJ is a free spirit. She is extremely intelligent, intuitive, and wise. She is outrageously funny with her wit and humor. She is loving and caring, being the best mom ever to my sweet Cousin, the Law Lass. TJ always has the best advice, which is usually given after hesitation because she doesn’t want to influence others with her opinions.

We have covered every subject known to man over hours of conversation during Coastal Capers. These were bi-annual visits in which pajamas were the required clothing. Over chocolate, (only milk chocolate please), and snacks we would discuss the insane politics of the day, or just plain gossip about nothing in particular. The subjects just needed to include lots of laughter. Which they always did. It was on one of these such visits we decided a new rule for heaven. No Bras. Followed by more uproarious laughter.

Since VST died, I have missed our monthly visits with TJ. Over the years, they changed from “Girls Only — No Boys Allowed”, to including VST. He adored TJ and our time with her. For a long while, we made monthly RV trips to the coast to visit, and those memories are beautiful. The last year has been one in which I am honing my driving skills to make it back there. At 7 or 8 hours, the drive is not for the faint of heart, winding through some of the most horrific traffic in the country, after making it over Donner Pass. I need not remind you that just the name Donner Pass conjures visions not pleasant. Crossing the Sierra Nevada’s takes skill and fortitude, both of which I am working on.

TJ has been there for every important moment in my life. She was always awake and involved in my life, celebrating milestones and supporting me through heartaches. She has been my rock through everything.

I hope today, she has a day filled with beauty and rest! Practice some laziness, TJ!!!!

As for me, I will be celebrating my own memorable motherhood of 5 wonderful kiddos. Through the years, they have brought me happiness on a silver platter. They are the bubbles to the champagne of my life, for sure. Sharing kids with VST made our life rich and balanced, and for the gifts of his children, I am eternally grateful, as he was for the gifts of mine.

With five beautiful professionals making their contributions in life, my pride overflows. Our legacy continues with 13 grandchildren, beautiful and strong, although becoming grown-up way too soon.

Enjoy your Mother’s Day!!!!! To those women that support me with your daily reads, I am so grateful. I wish a wonderful day for all.

Dear Miss Firecracker,

Today is the first day in a brand new chapter of life for you. It is just a little more than a year ago that I came to this dusty little spot in the road on your advice. For that, I will be eternally grateful, because, our little town is a gem. There is nothing more I could have asked for in my nest of healing. Perfect climate, great neighbors, playful winds, and happiness. Just far away enough from hectic city life, but just close enough to services needed.

I do have a little advice as you start on your way. Carry snacks and water. Stop along the way to rest, if necessary. Watch for pot holes and bouncing tractor/trailers that drive way too fast or way too slow. Be safe on your journey west over Donner Pass to the lowlands on the other side of here.

I will keep your presence with me as I dine alone at the Tee Pee Bar and Grill. We did a lot of healing as we shared our meals. Yes, I will continue to order the “Little Mo” with no sauce, cooked well done with sweet potato fries. I should just say, “The Usual” by now.

“Really??? Grocery Store” will continue to be my food supply source now, as I curse the day it stopped being “So Much Better Grocery Store”. Anything would have been better. The only thing that makes it doable is that the next town is 30 minutes away and ice cream can melt in that amount of time. I will think of you in the lap of shopping luxury with convenience and civilization at your finger tips. You and I both know that some days that won’t be enough to cover the loss of the wilds of the desert. But, each day that town will become more and more yours, as you return to city life.

You’ve taught me about so many things. The need for forgiveness, which I will work on. The need for laughter and memories. The humanness of tears in the middle of a sentence. The adoration and love of a mom for her daughter. The devotion of a daughter for her mom. The best kind of friendship that speaks the truth, even when it might not be what one wants to hear.

Thanksgiving and Christmas 2020 will always be the Widow’s Holidays to me. Cooking a turkey dinner for two to share was delightful because my +1 was you. The day perfect in every way. During Christmas, your flight deck observations were spot on, and something that only you could have put perfectly into difficult but truthful words. How glad I am that you said what you did when you did.

You were the one friend I could call when I really couldn’t drive to Walgreens myself. Tripping over the dog bed is something I’ll try to avoid in the future, as you will be just a little far to come to my rescue.

When I wear the beautiful fur next winter, I will think of all the parties it went to with you. The suede coat will remind me of the desert girl that I got to know so well over the years. The one with the sparkly blue eyes and the spunky stories. The one that could bring me to tears with laughter, but also with memories of the guys we love so much.

As promised, I’ll share periodic meals with Baily’s and Cream. I’ll make sure that no one messes with him, Just Because. Through to the wind, I feel him watching over me, too. I’m so blessed to have made memories with both of you through our years together. I’ll keep him company with occasional visits.

If I go before you, which could happen, I’ll be right there with the guys to greet you. If you go first, please keep an ear out when it’s my turn. Because, heaven wouldn’t quite be heaven without you close. Until then, give me an earthly call once in awhile to fill me in on your antics. Ace and I will have lots of stories to share whenever you call.

Your bags are packed. There’s gas in your car. Get out of here, city girl. You have new adventures to write. Don’t forget about this country girl that will be missing you. I’ll come around when I wash the soil off my hands and comb the sage brush out of my hair. I’ll think of you on the crystal clear desert nights and send love and happiness your way, always. Confucious says, “It does not matter how slowly you go so long as you do not stop.” So get going, girlfriend.

Goodbye’s are never easy. So, let’s just say, “Until….”. You never know when there’ll be a knock on your door.

I love you, Miss Firecracker,

Joy

Gamblin and Ramblin” are the main industries in my town. Being a truck stop on the road before the main tourist town, many odd places happen to offer One-Arm-Bandits. Slot machines are in grocery and liquor stores. Gas stations and Casinos. Everywhere you go, there are gaming machines. In the olden days, the machines had big gleaming handles to pull. Now, you can sit quietly and push the play button over and over. The ramblin’ part is helped by the fact that the gas prices in my county are .50 cents cheaper than the county 30 miles up the road. Slot machines once worked with one coin. Now, a penny machine can cost you 60 a pull, or more. No longer can you struggle with the heaviness of your nickel cup as you cash out. Everything is computerized an on redeemable script. Just a simple piece of paper shows your winnings. Find the change machine and cash out. Easy-peasy. I miss those big cups of nickles, ripe for a disastrous spill, an the look of envious gamblers as you made your way to the cage to exchange them for paper. $20 of nickles gives the impression of great luck. The other day, I went to have breakfast at the Pony Express Watering Hole. The food at casinos can be hit or miss, but this place is known for good eats. Even outside in the parking lot, music blares. Mostly 70’s and 80’s hits. It’s odd to think that music of my generation is now what I would refer to as elevator music. I wouldn’t want to live in neighborhoods near this place, with music drowning out the roar of the wind or tweets from the birds. The sign out front was blinking the word Bingo. The number of cars in the parking lot suggested that the locals were tired of sitting inside, cowering from evils of the lurking virus. Entering the casino, patrons were everywhere, enjoying the slots. A woman’s voice could be heard on the overhead speaker announcing letters and numbers. Not sure where actual Bingo was being played, we headed for the restaurant to get a late lunch. My thoughts on Gambling and Casinos are very simple. I would love to win hundreds of dollars with a single pull. Who wouldn’t? But, the chances of me doing that are slim to none. I have rules when I enter these places. I go there to enjoy a meal. I’ll play $5. If I win, then I can play a little longer. But, never more than $5. So many people get in way over their heads, having their lives turned upside down for just one more try. Relationships are lost over trips to the Casino. Gambling can become a life wrecking addition. I don’t understand hours wasted in a smoky, smelly establishment when I could be practicing laziness in the hot tub. The Casinos are wasting all the flashing bill boards on me. Now, Bingo? That might be a horse of a different color. Bingo takes me back to 3rd grade and fun days in which I could play Bingo with my class as a reward for good behavior or successful testing. The kids intently watched their cards as I called out letter and number, one after the other. Prizes came from the dollar store, with delighted winners getting to choose the one they wanted. There was never a dull moment during our Bingo games. There were also skills practiced. Patience. Attention to directions. Good Sportsmanship. Just plain fun. Those were the days when kids couldn’t wait to get to school. Teachers felt the same way. A team focused on learning, respect, and friendship that couldn’t be beat. Variations of Bingo can also be very fun. One of the most hilarious and outrageous games played by senior citizen friends was Body Part Bingo. The caller needed to use as many body parts as possible while calling the game. So hilarious when Knee was used for N. The “B” words could be a little racy. Laughter is so good for the soul. Anyone who takes themselves too serious to play Bingo should re-evaluate life just a little. Fueling my Ramblin’s will always pay off in exact amounts. Put in $3.29 a gallon and walk away with a full tank of gas every time. No gamblin’ skills needed there. Just a good attitude as the prices at the pump skyrocket. Last summer, $2.00 a gallon gas was the norm in my little town. It’s now $3.80 in the county next door. Living remotely has benefits. As my new life blooms with possibilities, you might find me sitting intently with a Bingo card, collecting great stories for a future blog post. Bingo and slots are always something I can do to fill my time. As my desert days roll by, I just might try my luck. Who knows? Maybe it’s improved. I won’t know unless I play.

Canine conservator-ship is a complicated task in this the year of 2021. At my house, I’ve been wondering when this little Tasmanian devil will calm down and be a reasonable pet. I guess others have been wondering that, too. Everyone needs to understand the job that Oliver has been trained to do. So many tasks he does so well, but, meeting others is not his strong suit. He is not happy with those that intrude on his solitary little life.

Oliver is a standard, chocolate, cream based, tan piebald wire-haired dachshund. No. He isn’t a 12 pound red or black and tan smooth doxie that everyone sees. Oliver weighs 25 pounds. He is as strong as a lab with short legs. He’s as stubborn as they come. Fierce and crazy at times. He’s not been an easy dog to raise. Trust me. We have been together 2 1/2 years. Of all the dogs I have raised, included my English mastiffs, Oliver has been the toughest of all. He is extremely smart, and the off-putting green human-ish eyes don’t help.

Most days, Oliver is just as cute as they come. Just like the puppy picture of him at 8 weeks. He wakes and wants potty time and breakfast within a short window of time. Don’t we all? He expects two treats. Not one or three. He has a hard time being still while I get those and can jump higher than the kitchen counter to check out what could possibly take so long. Ace suggested that Oliver needs to learn the word “Sit”, or otherwise be considered untrained. I think differently on that. However, Oliver is learning “Sit”, slowly, as hard as it is for him.

Oliver knows at least 100 words or phrases. He is constantly watching and listening to things I ask him to do. In the morning, after breakfast, he knows we work for at least an hour at the computer. Not wanting to face boredom, he brings a bone with him and leads the way to the studio, where he chews for awhile and then sleeps. He is my writing muse in doggie form, laying at my feet while I type word after word. The minute I reach for the power button when finished, he knows our work is done for the morning. With that, he is ready for a puppy time out in his crate while I make my own breakfast and get ready for my day.

Oliver knows me. He knows what things will get under my skin and periodically likes to mess with me. He knows when I am sad or not feeling well. He also knows when I am ready to leave on a short or long trip, or when company is coming. He knows our routine. He knows when I need a good laugh, or when I need a little irritation to get my blood pressure up.

Thievery is in his blood. He steals socks. Papers. Glasses. Shoes. Slippers. Anything on the floor. Dropped coins. Pens. Pencils. Well, you get the idea. He sits and waits for the opportune time and then, he strikes. Like the wind, he is gone, laughing his little doggy laugh as he chews and runs at the same time. Devious little thief.

In our living situation, there hasn’t been a need for the words “down”, “sit”, “stay”, or “come”, because there are other words he knows for these actions. “Bed”, “Wait”, and “Gentle” are some he’s really good with. He is a silly, silly little boy dog who has a very independent and strong will. Funny, a reflection of me in numerous ways.

The thing that doesn’t get better with time is the hatred of the doorbell, or misunderstanding of his place when company is involved. I don’t have people coming over on a daily basis. When they do come, it is sheer puppy-pandemonium. As a tiny puppy, he didn’t like strangers one bit. He would hide in the corner and often soil himself, becoming so scared. Being so adorable, everyone wants to swoop down on him, instead of just ignoring him until he can give a sniff and calm down. So, it’s a mixture of problems all rolled into one.

Oliver loves to travel. He loves RV-ing. He loves his people and he does like being good. He is just devious when others are around. Like a two year old.

Many people disagree with crate training. However, consider the following. Would you allow your two year old to run around the house when they didn’t have your full attention? Or in the case of the leash, would you allow the child to run into the street on a whim? Perhaps some puppy parents are relaxed about those things, I’m not. Oliver eats everything that is not nailed down. There are plenty of dangerous things in the house that would land us in the Vet Emergency Room. Crates and leashes are important when you have a dog that hasn’t fully matured mentally. In Oliver’s case, he may never mature fully. Lucky me.

We’ve been spending quality time outside, and I do notice subtle changes. He likes to settle next to me when I am pulling weeds or fixing an emitter. He likes to see me when I’m in the hot tub, just to be sure I’m okay. He likes to sleep next to me when I write, and spends less and less time chewing on the bones he loves so much. He really likes watching everything I do, and I swear, if he only had thumbs, he would do most better than me.

Oliver may never get used to intruders. Come to think of it, I’m happy with my own quarantine status. He may never understand strange words that others insist all dogs should know. He knows how to communicate with me, and that works in our little world. He speaks the same language as T & K, the ladies at Doggy Camp, and Sam, his beloved groomer. Adding in Ace, his little world of people is complete. For Oliver, that’s the amount of people he can handle.

Do I worry about his antics? Every day. Do I try new training techniques??? Multiple times a day. Are things getting better???? Ever so slowly they are, but, with Oliver, he’ll follow his own path, and allow me to come along for the ride. In this situation, it’s not possible to dominate this huge little dog, and besides, his antics keep me on my toes.

Every dog has special jobs to do. Some have jobs that don’t involve being a friend to everyone in the world or walking perfectly on a leash. Some have jobs that involve more words than “sit” or “stay”. Some have jobs that involve thinking on many levels, while problem solving. Whatever their job entails, God got it right when he gave us our best friends. Be gentle with their owners. We’re all doing the best we can.

What a lovely thing, the Hot Tub. Or Jacuzzi. Or Whirl Pool. What the name you choose, my big vat of steamy water in the back yard under the desert sky. The perfect place for laziness training. In the last week, I’ve spent hours there, observing the clouds, winds, blooming yard, and life. I can think of no better way to develop a true passion for laziness than the Hot Tub. Delicious in every way.

Purchased in December at a convention center show, my hot tub came 1/2 way across the country from Minnesota to me. There was high drama about the lack of a top, which finally arrived weeks later. There was talk of how hot is too hot. There was the immediate spike to my power bill. And then, there was unlimited soaking time. Trying the tub out at different times of the day gave me perspective on the yard shadows and how they change. I know the feeding times of the different birds. Oliver forgets I am outside watching, earning timely corrections when he decides to forget the rules.

With two waterfalls, and lights that change from red to purple to blue to green and so on, this Hot Tub is one to behold. There has been a learning curve as to which types of chlorine are the best, and what additives help with the hard desert water. After trial and error, the water is now consistently clear. A temperature of 102 seems to be the best for my age.

I was lucky enough to get my first spa in 1979. It was used, being one that needed to be placed in the ground. Such an early prototype, it had limited jets which were either on or off. We had no cover, but used it so often, that really didn’t matter. I received an unwanted grope by the husband of a close friend in that hot tub, as she chatted about diaper choices. One of my first adult glimpses that the world wouldn’t always be a safe place, especially under water.

Since then, having numerous hot tubs through the years, I conclude the one I have now is the most wonderful I could’ve purchased. In an empty version, I did try out the seats in the showroom, as many lounges are not made for a short, Germanic woman. This one is perfect. There are jets all around the tub, with a circular foot massage-er in the bottom. Just right after a long day of yard work.

No doubt, a hot tub is a luxury. In this the day of Covid-19 and home quarantine, it seems everyone decided to buy one at once. It took 8 weeks for delivery of mine. Since then, necessary chemicals are in high demand. I’ve been ordering on Amazon, as the local hardware store has been out of everything needed. My tub claimed chlorine wasn’t necessary, but that wasn’t true. With a testing strip every morning, the water remains balanced. Lots of things can complicate aquatic balance, starting with the chemical composition of your local water.

Mental teleportation is another benefit to spa life. K gave me a small bottle of Hawaiian Happiness elixer. It’s necessary to add the appropriate fragrance in the water, allow it to bubble awhile, and then breathe deeply with eyes closed. Just like that, it’s Waikiki Beach 2013, under a cabana in front of the Moana Surfrider Hotel. In this age of viral uncertainty, a teleportation contraption right outside my laundry room door is the answer for me.

Morning soaking is a delightful place to plan the activities of the day, one cup of coffee at a time. So many lists form in my head, from the need to fix a leaking emitter, to the mowing of the lawn. Item by item, my list gets longer and longer.

Before I know it, it’s almost lunch time.

After lunch, the afternoon soak is a great time to think of dinner options for one. Any recipe can be altered to give one or two servings. It just depends on what a person feels like eating. As the sun tracks across the sky, wispy, feathery cirrus clouds tell of weather aloft. Ground level winds chill wet tanning legs, causing me to slink back under the water. All the while, the jets bubble on.

Well, after dinner, one needs to check on the stars and plan for the next day. It matters not that all the plans for the day went to the wayside due to laziness . That is just the modus operandi of the retired teacher. And so it goes.

After days of laziness practice, I’ve come to the conclusion I should’ve started this long ago. There are plenty of days for chores that need doing. Trips to the store can wait. Groceries can always be delivered tomorrow. The thing that can’t be interrupted is quality hot tub time. Try it. You’ll agree.

A thing here, a thing there, everywhere things and things and things. I’ve never considered myself a saver of mementos. But, now that I look in my cupboards, I realize I’m just that. A pack rat, just shy of a hoarder. A neat and tidy pack rat, I would add.

The thought goes through my mind of the little turtle. Gets along just fine with his little shell. Not 13 fancy china tea cups, or two sets of silver. Just a shell. Moving from here to there, nothing strapped on the top. No extra baggage. I need to emulate the turtle and begin purging.

There is little chance that the kids, (who are adults), want most of what I find precious and endearing. The significance of most of my memorabilia is not obvious and significant only to VST and me. Deciding the fate of these things I’ve held dear for decades, I’ve decided I need to release them. You can’t hold an angel in a pair of worn bluejeans or a single rose given so long ago.

For the first year of widowhood, a solemn and tearful balloon release occured on the 8th of every month. Each month, the number of balloons increased by one, until 12 biodegradable green and yellow balloons flew away on April 8, 2021. Here I am, saying goodbye to month 13, without some sort of ceremony fitting for the second year. Last night one came to me just before dreams swept me away.

There are some precious things that need a proper goodbye. Since 1987, I’ve saved the clothes worn at our Class Reunion dinner and dance on the night I met VST. His jeans. His shirt. My skirt. My scarf. Taking them out from time to time, I’m whisked back to that night. September 5th, 1987. The late summer California breezes. The lights in the trees. Twinkly stars. My classmates collectively traveling back to 1972-73, when life was simpler for us all. The clothes were worn only then, and saved all these years. To anyone not in the know, they would be a mysterious possession, out of date and for people lean and lanky.

These clothes can’t go to Hanna’s Thrift or, worse, the dump. They can’t be repurposed or worn by someone else. These were the things we wore the night our story started. After a quick photograph, they need a fitting Goodbye.

A couple months ago, I bought a fire pit. Not a gas one, which I bought earlier, but a real fire pit. It will be there that on the 8th of every month, things and things and things will rest until they turn to ash. As the ashes mix with the soils of Winterpast, sweet memories will remain. Releasing these things, my heart will continue to mend with soft Goodbyes. The 8th will be a time to glance back at yesterday, while being grounded in today.

Ceremonies help to heal me from the unthinkable tragedy of cancer. Through ceremonies, I honor the memory of VST and the wonderful life that we shared. I also honor the woman of strength and courage I have become. Weathered and wind blown, life is blooming out of death, rather like a meadow coming to life after a devastating wild fire. Ceremonies help me find peace and comfort my soul.

Don’t get me wrong. There is plenty of stuff that needs to hit the landfill. Half used balls of yarn. Extra fabric that I MIGHT find a use for. Old craft books. Broken tools. This turtle needs to lighten the load, until the final downsize comes my way. A shroud has no pockets, eh?

I’m off to investigate shelves full of things and things and things. More tomorrow.

Last September, being inspired by Mr. Mud Duck and his daily podcast, I decided to try blogging. For decades, I’d lost my voice through layers of censuring. Subjects weren’t to be broached, let alone written about for the world to read. Tethered, my imagination strained on a very tight chain. Writing wasn’t fun, pondering all grammar and punctuation and finally settled on a few approved subjects. By time I wrote the first word, I was exhausted and any good ideas had left the building. Stifling.

This creative void was of my own doing. Living with a Dr. of Psychology is intimidating. Two competitive perfectionists make for lively conversations, each reaching for the college word of the day. Deep meaning can be lost in those outer branches of academia. Sadly, some days were decorated with dangling participles with not an creative thought in the bunch.

As a young writer, titles escaped me. Now, they are fluid, flying like long, string-y banners in my brain, each one on a flagpole rich with ideas. I attribute this creativity to a lifetime of teaching, writing, and reading. To release them every day is a delicious activity that starts my day with a thrill that’s un-explainable. A desire to create is the first thing a successful blogger needs.

A wealth of information awaits anyone with time, a computer, and a curious mind. There are helpful and free webinars on Kindle Direct Publishing. Inspirational writers host free talks in which they tell their stories of success. To find success, it helps to visualize what it looks like. A favorite children’s author of mine is Kate DiCamillo. She has a delightful interview in which she talks about going into her studio with her coffee in the morning to write. Now, that’s me!

I googled “Writing Blogs”, and immediately, came up with a top ten list for sights. I picked the number one company at the time and started. Bluehost and WordPress have been wonderful and free. The little succulent on black was a fitting pre-made template for a new widow. Yes, there is a sandwich in there somewhere, it came with the page and couldn’t be removed. I like an occasional sandwich, so it remained. There were boxes in which to put my name and I filled in the blanks. Within a few hours, the page was complete and I started writing.

Find a time when you are creative. For me, it is 3 AM. Not conducive to a family life, but perfect for me. I keep a journal handy at all times to write down random topics and ideas for the days when only Cheryl, the tree is an available topic. I write when the words are itching to spring from my fingers. Mid-day, the fingers are deep in soil, and can’t be bothered with something like typing. Then, choose a schedule. Not every writer writes every single day. You may binge write and then take two days off. Whatever works, you need a schedule that you stick to. Goals on which to plant your flag.

I write poetry in long hand only. Fluid QWERTY typing allows me to have a stream of thoughts that race onto the computer screen. I write on a desktop, finding the keyboard on my iPad to small for the Germanic fingers. The phone is not even an option for this blind woman. I need backlit paragraphs, and even then, I fail at proofreading most days. A healing from the formally stuffy perfectionist correcting everything in red pen.

I’ve dabbled with Google Analytics, purchasing some extra programs totaling under $300. Everything that I’ve done has been simple, just taking a little time to learn the system. I’ve focused on the creative side, and not so much on the nuts and bolts of what I could do to monetize. Marketing will be my next step as I go along this journey. Social media is something I’ve avoided my entire life, but I may need to develop a presence. A monthly newsletter is another necessary project.

The payoff for me is getting sweet comments from readers telling me that I said something meaningful to them on a certain day. I enjoy looking up reader locations and finding that I have some faithful readers in Fernley, Carson City, Provo, Boydton, Port Angeles, and Cambria, just to name a few. Knowing that people are finding this the least bit interesting makes writing all the more fulfilling and fun for me.

For a time, it didn’t seem that I’d ever write anything again. I allowed that to happen. Now, I could write a novel about the phone book and it wouldn’t be half-bad. As I find more expressive courage each day, my daily observations have more meaning, while my writing gets richer. There’s just nothing better than that.

Writing is a friend when my house is quiet. It’s a voice when I need someone to speak to. My words will remain long after I have gone, showcasing a complicated woman that could be quite difficult at times. Some words will be too racy for paper. Other’s a bit mundane. But, words will keep coming. Stay tuned.

With a magical fun in the rear view mirror, this is the week Miss Firecracker will start her new life in California and the day Ace returns to his. With Donner Pass between me and the family and friends I love, this “sage-brush-ed” desert girl needs to suck it up and carry on. Both would expect no less. Yesterday, Miss Firecracker and I went to a craft fair! Decadent!!! Outlandish!!! Wreckless!!! Absolutely the best time ever!!! The town we visited is a very tiny oasis of a farming town nestled between mountain peaks. I used to go there for business, as it is the county headquarters. DMV. Business Licenses. School District Headquarters. Small functional airport for private planes. It is the hub of my county. Above the little town sits a run down former mine site, home to Super-Fund-Clean-Up-Personnel. Tumble Weed Heights. This little town was a copper mine from the 1950’s-1970. Nestled in some beautiful scenery, there is abandoned miniature golf, an empty community swimming pool, an RV park, and about 75 little company houses that used to own the miners. This town is a place I like to go to think. With the rich array of decay all around, the stories they scream are mind tingling. Yes, I have camped at the RV park with Miss Firecracker. Yes, the memories came back to us both, as we thought of VST, puppy Oliver, Bailey’s and Cream and the fun we had there. Outrageous. We  walked to look at the pit far below the look out. Surrounded by rusted wire cage, we looked down. The pit itself is 800 feet deep, with the water in the pit at around 450 feet. The water glows a beautiful blueish green, rather like a beach in Bali. Eerily inviting. I bet skin would fall of the bone of any unsuspecting swimmer taking a chance on a quarry dive. After taking in the sites of Tumble Weed Heights, we made the short trip into the town below. Past the gas station, hardware store, BBQ place, with a right turn at Main Street. Every little town has a Main Street, right? The craft show had no more than 10 booths. There, a handful of customers milled about, looking at this and that. I bought artichoke spread, Strawberry Tangerine Marmalade, and Seething-Smoking-Hot-Burn-Your-Lips-Off Cherry Jelly, (Ace’s idea). Walking into a very small, local casino, I felt as if I’d entered a time machine. I’ve met the local owners a time or two. They run the town, and are good decent men. Manly-men. No non-sense men that are sure of their gender and role in the community. In fact, that town is made of manly-men and girly-girls that farm, mine, or raise children just like themselves. For me, its comforting to go there once in awhile to soak in the normal that so many of us boomers were raised with. The local diner sits in the back of this place. Donny Boy’s Diner. There, the most wonderful food I’ve seen in a very long time was being cooked by a chef that knew what the heck he was doing. A seasoned staff was efficient and precise, delivering plates overflowing with goodness to a packed house. Every table was full, with people waiting. Just like it used to be on a Saturday morning in anywhere USA. The experience made me want to return often. I have really been trying to diet. REALLY. Keto is the best diet in which I feel wonderful. I lose weight quickly and have tons of energy. It’s the CARB thing. Ruins my plans every time. Yesterday, the biscuits and gravy called to me, and I was not disappointed. Fresh biscuits so flaky and light, swimming in REAL homemade gravy. Bacon cooked just so. Eggs on the side. A great meal for a cow hand getting ready to ride the range. For a retired school teacher, might as well glue those biscuits right on my saddle bags. But, it was worth every morsel. In the last week, I have finished so many projects in the yard. The sprinkler system will remain a project for another day. Oliver has a new dog house now. Asparagus and rhubarb are sprouting. The peonies are straining with a heavy crop of growing blooms. Today, my book needs my attention, and life needs to return to quiet mode for a time. Miss Firecracker is making the rounds, saying her last goodbye’s before the moving truck rolls out of town at the end of the week. The thing about friendships and Good Bye is this. The next word is a glorious “Hello”. In short order, Miss Firecracker and her posse can expect a fun visit from me, just  west of Donner Pass. Life holds lots of happiness, appearing in different forms at different times. We all have responsibilities that sometimes require separation and focus. Just a fact of life. Relish your Hello’s and try not to ooze too much with Good Bye’s. As Joni would say, “And, the seasons, they go round and round, and the painted ponies go up and down. We’re traveling on a carousel of time.” Until tomorrow, enjoy today!!!